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Anger toward my grandmother

I want to say I feel bad for my 100th grandmother, that don’t want her to in pain. But this be honest, I don’t care.

My grandmother is judgement close mind, racist, homophobic, catholic that think that I am sinner and tell my mother, don’t pray for thier souls. For twenty years, my mom gave up her life, always taking care of her, but my grandmother never gave her credit. She a mental abuse person, making feel constantly guilty, she just takes and takes.

In reality, she did not do anything for my mother. It was grandfather that take care of her, while my grandmother did nothing. She ruin my mom relationship with my dad, to point she want them to separate, she unjustified hatred to my father that work two jobs constantly to keep a house.

My mom give up everything for abuse person that does not love her. That happy stcj everything out my mother, she not care that my mother is in so much pain. My mother never got live her life.

I’m not saying don’t help family, we need respect old people. Treat them with dignity and love. Be there for them when thier time comes.

But that not mean my grandmother has the right to use and abuse my mom. My uncle does not do jack shit, but he get praise cuase he go to church, she reason why my grandmother got make to 100th.

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It sounds like your mom really needs your support. Perhaps the two of you can work together toward healing from the emotional damage caused by your grandma. I suspect that your mom felt terribly oppressed as she was growing up.

Grandma’s mind is broken, and she is in denial about it. Your family needs to accept that they are dealing with a mentally ill person. Knowing that her mind is in that condition, can help you keep from being upset by the things that she says.

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Hey @Metalskater1990,

It is really hard to have respect for someone yet witnessing how much they disrespect us and the people we love. When it’s about family, we are expected to feel affection and care, but sometimes people make love really, really hard to give. How you feel is absolutely understandable and valid. You see that your mom has been suffering and sacrificing herself for so long, for the sake of your grandmother’s. You see the cost of it and how unfair the situation is.

I have a “grandmother” that is very similar to yours. It is my dad’s mom, and I can’t even wrap my head around the idea that she is a mother and a grandmother. She has always been disrespectful and abusive towards my mom. She always disapproved her sons/daughter wives and husband. So she manifested that in many ways that were very mean, tried to disrupt relationships and to do what she could to keep her children with her even as adults. She has always criticized everything and everyone, even stated that my sister was ugly while she was just a baby. I never saw her showing any spark of affection to anyone, and I think she genuinely don’t have the ability to feel empathy. Which is sad, because I have seen how much her behavior has always affected our entire family, to the point of having one uncle who still lives with her and take care of her, never had a relationship or lived on his own.

Some people’s mind are just in a different reality than ours. Saying that they don’t realize what they do all the time is not an excuse. But it helps to be at peace with the fact that we don’t have to expect anything special from them, and certainly not genuine affection when they are not able to give it. For your mom it is certainly different. She still craves for an affection she needed, and as children we often feel somehow in debt towards our parents, even if that is not true and is unfair.

You are a good son to be aware of all of this, and to want the best for your mom too. You are a precious ally to her. You have the possibility to remind her all that she gives and all the energy she spends when your grandmother is not even ready to acknowledge it. Being aware of this situation gives you the opportunity to balance a little bit the emotions that your mom might feel. To remind her of things she may have forgotten sometimes, because your grandmother would never let her know. She is very lucky to have you.

Make sure to take care of yourself through all of this. This whole situation can bring mixed feelings that are very deep. It has also affected you and your relationships with your parents in ways that should have never happened. It was not your fault. And now you are fully aware of this injustice. So, make sure to process these emotions in healthy ways, both for you and your family. :hrtlegolove:

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From: Lisalovesfeathers (Discord)

Hi Friend, Thank you for your posts, this is a lot for your family to contend with but I have long been a believer and it some may not agree that DNA does not automatically entitle you to love and respect, everyone is required to earn that in my opinion so although as a family it is good to make sure your grandmother has a place to live at 100, you and your parents are not obligated to sit and listen to all of this abuse. It seems that she has carried this bitterness and resentment all the way throughout her life and is going to hang on to it right until the end and that I find so very sad because she will never know true happiness, but this should be where it ends, please let it stop here, do not let it continue. You are angry now and that’s ok but get it out and leave it there or you too will carry it. My concern now is that you let go of that anger and you find happiness in you so that this end. You know your grand-mother is wrong, so you are not like her, so you have everything in your favour to make a wonderful and happy life for yourself. Use her past to make your future shine. Much Love Lisa

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ (Discord)

Hi @Metalskater1990 I’m really sorry that your mother has had to deal with your grandmother’s judgment and abuse. It’s really horrible to have to see someone you love go thru that. I hope that you can be strong for her and give her lots of love and support.

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From: eloquentpetrichor (Discord)

I’m so sorry you have to deal with family members with beliefs that are so antiquated. I know it can be hard to find understanding for those that make you angry with their beliefs :hrtlegolove: I always like to try and remember what must have happened in their lives to make them feel the way they do and believe what they do to help me understand so that I can find forgiveness and focus on their good qualities. Especially the older generations who grew up being taught all of these things that are no longer appropriate. Sometimes it can be hard to fight against the teachings of our youth. And I’m so sorry about your mom and that she doesn’t receive the love a support she should from a mother. I hope she is able to feel that from you and from your dad. Good luck, friend :hrtlegolove:

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