Anger within self hatred

is it normal to get really angry because you hate yourself? i feel like the term hate in that sense wouldn’t cause anger so much as it would sadness. i’m in a chronic state of hating everything about myself. i get so angry about it that i end up punching things or myself really hard. i always think about ways i could hurt myself too. not really so much in a suicidal sense but just in general like scarring my face. i also am constantly thinking and wanting to hurt myself for fun? i guess it makes me a masochist but the term is so often used to describe sexual pain and enjoyment that i feel like it doesn’t fit. i just like daydreaming about scenarios in which my life would be in danger. i don’t really value my life all too much if i’m being honest. i’m only really living to see what kind of people i meet. i don’t think there’s anybody i could ever interact with that would make me think twice about myself. back to the scenarios though. it’s always a gun to my head or me getting into a fight or something that i want to happen. i really want to punch somebody and i want them to hit me twice as hard back. i don’t know why though? i don’t enjoy physical pain, but the mental aspect of being hurt is just comforting and nice. i don’t know. i guess it’s because i’ve never done anything and feel like my life is boring maybe ? who knows. whatever.

also does anybody know if you can change your username on here?

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First off thank you so much for sharing to the wall. That took a lot of courage. I want you to know that I hear you. You are important and what you are feeling is valid. I may not be in your exact position but I have dealt with a lot of what you are describing here to an extent.

So can I ask why do you feel your life has no value to you? I know I have personally felt that way and struggled for years to find the reasons to keep fighting. Personally mine became my dogs for the longest time because they were so dependent on me to take care of them. Without me who did they have? Now that isnt so much my own reason to love myself. I have taken a lot of time to find things about myself I love. I have come to find that surrounding myself with positive affirmation has really helped me. Whether that is things you say or that others say it is extremely important that we do this. That we fight our minds to find that extreme positives that can ground us in the worst of it. I know personally that is my main reason I am here. This community saved me. They gave me meaning to continue to fight and to know I had value to someone aside from myself. I wish I could show you in person that you arent worth beating yourself up. You also are not alone in this battle. Believe me it is so hard to love yourself for any flaws you might have. Personally I have a ton of them. I medically am a mess and sometimes I fight that idea that screw it I am not good enough but than I look up at stuff others have created or made me and smile saying no Ash you arent this failure or worthless thing you are loved. Perhaps getting that support around you can really help you. Who do you surround yourself with. What supports do you have in place to continue to remind yourself that you are loved.

I know there are thoughts running through your mind but you are important and you are cherished here. We here at heartsupport are here for you just as you are you do not need to change for us or wear a mask. Continue to remember there are people who see you for who you are. We want you to know that you matter and are loved.

Hold fast

I don’t think that my life has value because i’ve never done anything. I’ve never experienced anything or felt anything great besides platonic love. I’ve never exceeded in anything or had any special skill. I’m just normal, or i’d like to say below average. I don’t stand out in any way. it’s not a bad thing to be normal but it’s strange to have never done anything or achieved anything. I don’t think i’m really going to do anything with my life either. sure, i can have hope for the future but nothing ever turns out like it does in your head. I guess i just don’t feel important enough to have value. I’d so willingly give my life if it meant another could keep theirs or their happiness.

Okay first off let me say this there is a repeat in your reply to me.

First off you have value just because you are alive. Do you have breath in your lungs do you have two hands or even one. No matter what it is you are a human and a human is a valuable thing. You just havent meet who is that person that will help you.

Okay so what have you done up too this point. Think about the people you said you connected with the friends. Isnt it a skill to be social? Like to me that is super important as some people arent good at being a friend or being social. In all honesty in my eyes the value you have is not defined by what you do or what skills you have. Its about the fact you are a human and humans deserve to be loved and cared about its simple human curtesy. So in my book you are equal to someone who might be a doctor our world puts too much on what we can do. Rather than the fact that you are here for a reason you may not realize. Have you ever been there for a friend? If so than you have been a support. You are valueless in my eyes because value isnt something placed on humans.

Hold fast and believe you do have value


Hey @echo,

The HeartSupport Houston team responded to your post here.

We hope our words help - we’re here to support you.

Hold Fast!

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