Today the person thought that was my friend, can’t give me the time and day. I would always drive to see her, wish her a happy birthday and did so much for her and just not even give a shit about. I could commit suicide and she not even have a hint of emotions. I just wanted to her to at least care or appreciate me. To at least her to say, oh he an okay or just hang out.
She bring out the worst all my judgemental thoughts, hatred and rage builds inside me. I want to beat the shit out her and break her like a pencil. Make her wish that she never hurt me.
However, this kinda over nothing. Literally a girl dose not want to hang with me. And I want to destroy her life and make the world hate her. I have sickness in me where I want to hurt people, cuase I’m weak inside. That way I hurt myself in the past, cuase needed to channel it somehow. These thought fucking scare me. I hate that part about myself more than anything. It disgusts that I have these thoughts to hurt her and other people. I don’t want to be this person.
A solution is might not be her friend, only thing it would happen with another girl or person. I try so hard to do DBT and Therpy. I haven’t been able to see a therpist in awhile. It been so fucking hard lately. I hate myself for being this person.