Angry and frustrated and confused with what the hell to do

Well it’s been a little over a year now as a single parent. My ex kicked me out a week before my daughters open heart surgery. She was 9mths at the time. Let’s go back a little. She was born in 2015. She was sea section baby. Not planned. Fast forward to when my ex had to go back to work. My mother in law watched my daughter so we both could work. Ever since she entered the picture I knew it wasn’t going to be good. Fast forward to now. Been through a couple of jobs because I couldn’t get my shit straight in my head. Now I’ve been at this job for 7 months and I’m barely hanging on. Jake himself said it gets better but I feel as if it’s getting worse. Right before she filed… 2 months prior from divorce she said she wanted to still be married to me. Found out she was seeing our mutual friend. Unsure of those details but I can almost say that douche was sleeping with her. And til this day she continues to play games with my fucking head. I am still hurt and crushed how one could do this to someone especially one who loved you. She made that clear repeatedly telling me she didn’t love me anymore. Fun times. I feel trapped in my head. Not knowing what to do to get the hell out of there! I feel this heavy weight on my shoulders knowing the only good example my daughter has around her is me and my family. Because where my daughter is living people do drugs. What the hell do I do?? Where do I turn to? I know alcohol won’t work and don’t want my daughter to grow up with a drunk as a dad. I know drugs are a waiste of time and taking myself from this world is the furthest from my mind. So what do I do? Unfortunately I still live at home with my parents. I’m 34 and plan on moving out this October. However I see it being a very stressful situation due to money issues and unforeseen things regarding my daughter. What the hell do I do?

Hey man,

Sounds like just about as messy of a situation as you could chalk up! Feeling beat down, discouraged, and betrayed on so many levels. You’re looking for a way to make good out of the situation, for the path that will set things right – at least the things that can still be set right, like your life, and your daughter’s life.

And I think you’re asking a question that puts you in the right direction, but I don’t know if you’re expecting the type of answer that will produce that result…

What I mean by that is that it sounds like you’re looking for the right thing to say or a quick-fix that’s going to tidy this whole thing up…but the truth is, this is a three year problem that won’t take three hours to fix…this is going to be a battle – for your life and for your daughter…are you prepared for the long haul? Because this is going to be something you’re going to have to fight for months, even years before you find some sense of peace with the situation…

Here’s the hard truth, man…your ex isn’t the problem. That doesn’t mean she wasn’t all those things you said, right, I’m not discrediting any of that. What I am saying is that the reason you’re struggling at work and the reason your life isn’t going the way you want it to go is because…well…because of the one person who’s been consistently in your life since you were born…YOU! Which is a hard pill to swallow, but once you do, you can start to take your life back. No one else can be at fault for your life…certainly others have influenced your life, but until you start dealing with the man in the mirror, your life is going to stay on the same path. You can try to shape up your actions, but there’s much deeper matters going on in your heart that need to be addressed…you need healing, to dig into the depths of your soul and find the fissures and grow where there’s been a void…you need to become the type of man that your daughter is proud to call “dad”…moreover, the type of man that YOU’RE proud to call YOU. And even if you’re not as bad as “others”, the truth is, if you look real deep, you know you have work to do, and you must take on that quest. The quest to win your heart back. Without your heart, you can’t be the hero of your family or of your daughter’s story. This is imperative – it’s central…and it’s not easy…it’s what’s going to take years and years. But it is SO worth it. It is the only way to truly get what you want and not just fake it…you can do it – in fact, you were MADE for it…but you must engage. You must stand and fight. And if you do, you’ll find your way to the ending of this story that you’ve been hoping for.

You can do this man. It’ll take more grit and guts than you were anticipating, but you were made with it. Step in!

-Nate

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