Angry at myself and the world

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So recently I got out of another season of feeling like completely shit, my depression reached it’s peak last week when I was having heavy suicidal thoughts and after several weaks of crying almost everyday. And suddendly one of this days I felt like “I was back” or I had awaken from all this weeks of feeling like shiiit. But I still have this self hate thoughts and also hate for the world for not giving a fuck about me, I also have suicide thoughts but I don’t take them as seriously as I did last week but without the heavy pain you know?.

I’ve been in a shity mood where I don’t feel any pleasure in doing anything. I am bitter with everyone. It’s like “ok I am back from wherever I was but there is nothing special about being back”, so I just get going with the stuff I have to do and live being dead inside.
Sorry for the long rant, I just felt like throwing this out here. Since I basically don’t have anyone to talk to.
Ps: I feel I hate myself because of being the way I am, like ok why do I have to go trough about 1-2 months of this shit every 2 or 3 times a year, since I can remember, so all I am doing now is waiting for the next fucking breakdown and then feeling guilty about it…

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Hey, you are not alone. I know it’s hard, but please keep going. We are here for you. God created you with a purpose.I want to share a video with you. I hope it will help you https://youtu.be/QFf6opXR1Hc

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hello dear, thank you for sharing all these difficult things you’re feeling rn, but dont think about that again , i mean theres a lot of reason why u should stay alive, think about your family they will miss you and a time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of ur life and are in ease once again, where u will be so glad that u decided to keep on living and you will emerge stronger from this all and wont regret ur choice to carry on with life, because i believe things always get better , and remember everythings always happens for a reason so , u need to stay alive , if you need to talk we always be here for you. remember you’re worth it , amazing dont let anyone especially urself , tell u otherwise. i hope u will continue to let us be a help to u, even if we dont have a good advice, we can at least listen and let u know that u r not alone

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