So recently I got out of another season of feeling like completely shit, my depression reached it’s peak last week when I was having heavy suicidal thoughts and after several weaks of crying almost everyday. And suddendly one of this days I felt like “I was back” or I had awaken from all this weeks of feeling like shiiit. But I still have this self hate thoughts and also hate for the world for not giving a fuck about me, I also have suicide thoughts but I don’t take them as seriously as I did last week but without the heavy pain you know?.
I’ve been in a shity mood where I don’t feel any pleasure in doing anything. I am bitter with everyone. It’s like “ok I am back from wherever I was but there is nothing special about being back”, so I just get going with the stuff I have to do and live being dead inside.
Sorry for the long rant, I just felt like throwing this out here. Since I basically don’t have anyone to talk to.
Ps: I feel I hate myself because of being the way I am, like ok why do I have to go trough about 1-2 months of this shit every 2 or 3 times a year, since I can remember, so all I am doing now is waiting for the next fucking breakdown and then feeling guilty about it…