I have a friend who is an annoying prick any time I mention dnd in our conversations, because she REALLY wants to play. Mind you, I play in person now and I am 2k miles away. What are more direct ways of telling her to look online for a group or go to the library and figure it out (because I think the public library could probably help?)? she never listens when i say that and just continues to be a cunty prick
as you can tell, it is clearly irritating the hell out of me
and to be quite honest and a little bitchy on my end, she probably wouldn’t even be a good player. (sometimes I think she could DM, but I also doubt she would want to hear that…) but that may also be me being annoyed as hell.
I suppose I can direct her to specific subreddits, and there are ex-friends of mine that I believe she is still friends with that she could ask about it. But for some reason she just wants to whine about it to me every time I bring it up??? it’s not even like I’m bragging. I think the last time I mentioned it was me saying I have friends now because I was invited to a group and/or our past session was cancelled, so I didn’t get to see them. I don’t even talk to her about my lovely characters.
Should I just straight up tell her it bothers me that she always brings this up whenever I mention DND? because it really bothers me, and makes me feel like i can’t have hobbies that she doesn’t have. (Speaking of, she does have hobbies I don’t, like sewing.)
This is a little ranty, but I could use another opinion because I am so frustrated over it.
Tell her how you feel, but you can also help her get started like you said. She probably doesn’t even know she is annoying you, because you’ve internalized it. Think of all of the stress and anger you could avoid by just talking to her and being honest.
I would make sure you’re calm first tho, going in irritated and angry won’t be pretty.
I’m so proud of you for asking for a second opinion! that’s honestly amazing.
It could be you’re both not saying all that you feel/think on the matter. Maybe you’re the one she wants to play with, maybe she really is clueless and doesn’t know how to go about it, could be a lot of reasons she behaves like this when you mention your games. It could even be that she only talks abt dnd when you talk about it, but she doesnt have any games to share as yet.
I like @Mystrose 's advice.
I would add to it: make a list for her.
It sounds like she is a bit overwhelmed herself and not able or willing to look up the resources. So, you could make a list of subreddits, the library, etc, and that way she has a practical list of things she can do to get her dnd energy out. And certainly, if she’s concerned about playing with strangers, have her make a social media post asking who’s playing and if she can join in!
(Also, there was some creative cursing in that post, made me chuckle a tiny bit at some new phrases! )
Sounds like you both are having some issues communicating effectively. The friend is wanting to communicate their frustration and eagerness to play DND and exhausting you, and then yourself may be getting your empathy reserves exhausted and not putting up a boundary on this issue.
Maybe the friend wants to connect with you and this is what they think would help?? Unsure if that’s the case but yeah maybe a candid conversation is good. I would tell them that it’s stressing you out to try to fix their issues getting a DND group. Tell them you would enjoy speaking with them about other things if you will.
If you don’t want to keep speaking with them about other things maybe you can let the relationship fade. It’s sad but it’s a fact of life that long distance relationships tend to not work out.
I just ultimately think your time and energy is worth so much more than this frustration you are going through.
I hope you can work things out and wishing the best, but please know if it doesn’t work out, it’s ok.
hey sakura! thank you for posting here about your feelings towards a friend of yours. i do want to start by saying how thankful i am to know you have a friend that wants to spend time with you. that’s an incredible bond to have and i hope this DnD issue doesn’t cause a large rift in y’all’s friendship. i do have to suggest an honest, transparent, and calm conversation on how you feel whenever she asks about DnD. i think the idea of you compiling a list of resources for her to reach out to for DnD groups (library, social media groups, discord, etc.) will be awesome! all in all, friendship is truly a gift and i’m glad you have one another. while she might not be the most skilled at DnD, is there something else y’all can do together online so you can still build a bond? wishing you an awesome week ahead, my friend. love, twix
Hi, Thank you for your post. Gosh you are a bit cross with that friend of yours aren’t you? I don’t know anything about your game but I do know a little about friendship and it saddens me that it has got to this point with your friend however I am very pleased that you have chosen to vent to us rather than to her. I do think its time you sat and had a nice talk with her though, just explain how you feel and what you would like from this friendship as she clearly enjoys your relationship so a choice of one with a few rules or none at all the chances are she will choose the one with rules but you must be kind about it. I have faith that the two of you can sort this out without too many problems but keep it nice, calm and friendly yeah? much love Lisa