Annoyed With Myself

Has anyone else ever had those days where they can’t stand to be around themselves? That literally every little things bothers them? Whether it be the fly in your room, or people being slow explaining things, or just other things that never really bother you? Well that was me today. Which normally I would just sleep off and I’d be okay.

But let’s add something else on this. I started thinking about my past, the mistakes I’ve made etc. This lead me down a rabbit hole of getting upset over anything that’s happened the past year, and well that hasn’t ended well thus far. It’s lead me feeling alone, feeling angry, feeling hurt, and just feeling dumb.

Now I ask myself, why are you mad? And I really don’t know, I can’t pinpoint it. And that just makes me feel even more mad and makes me feel more dumb. So yeah I’m frustrated and annoyed and mad but don’t really understand why.

Tonight I cut myself. I’m not really sure why. I mean I was angry. But why was I angry? I don’t know. But the urge is to do it again. Because for the moment it was a release that the anger was gone if even just for a few minutes. But the issue is it added more anger after the fact cause I relapsed. Will this cycle ever end?

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I love you, Monkey. Very much.

Yes I know these feelings. I wish I knew why. I think sometimes mine is a mixture of built up anxiety mixed with a bad hormone day and some other random stressors.
I learned to try to tell others I am just angry today please understand I am not trying to be mean.
As for ways to get past it…
I wish I had a great method. I think I usually try distraction. I think the hardest thing on those days is realizing I have to give up any plans of things I was going to get done (outside of work) and just need to find pleasant things to keep me calm. My savior is my dog :dog:
As for you relapsing. Don’t be angry with yourself. It happens. Just continue the good fight and try to love yourself for how hard you have been fighting.
Sending love. :heart: