Another day to struggle through

Hello, obviously im new here. Ill introduce myself, my name is Tommy, im 23. Currently an alcoholic, battling to become sober. So this is different for me. So for awhile every day has been a struggle to just make it through. Theres nothing really wrong going on in my life, other than some past events that have left me pretty messed up. Ive been constantly on this roller coaster of i feel fine for awhile and then ill crash. I end up pushing everyone away, nothing i usually do for fun brings me no joy, and i feel like i have no meaning. Every time i crash it seems just to get worse, and last longer. Im not sure if what had happen to me before played any part of it, im just not sure. Ive never opened to a bunch of people i dont know.

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@Tommy ,
hi welcome to heart support glad you posted on the forms friend.
i just want to wish you luck to become sober its gonna be awhile friend but i know you will do a good job to stop becoming an alcoholic. i am sorry you are struggling to make it through but you can bc you are human and you have breath in your lungs, im sorry you have been on this rollercoaster friend. by the way you DO have meaning.

im sorry you have been falling but you have wings to come and lift you up to have to start again to make you succeed and not fail and crash.
as a song says,“When I wanna quit,You won’t let me,When I’m falling down,You gon’ catch me.You pick me up,Yeah, you fix me up,Now I’m on my way,And I’m strong enough to say…” i hope this post helps you no matter what and good luck on becoming sober .
Remember you are worth it and remember to hold fast friend!
-Ashley

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Hey Tommy
First I wanna say that battling to become sober is a huge step, but I wanna ask if there is something behind that addiction, what makes you wanna drink, is there any triggers which you can recognize, like for example thinking of those past memories which you say left you messed up. It’s completely normal to try to divert that struggle with something else and it doesn’t mean you’re any less of a person. You say you push people away, and I get that the feeling of personal pride, or maybe a fear of others reaction makes it difficult to rely on other people. That makes me even more proud to see that you actually reached out. It’s important to see that you are not alone in this situation, and even tho you feel stuck, it’s not the end of your life. The truth is that you still have opportunities to make decisions in your life, find new things which will bring you joy and find something that you feel gives you a meaning. I can relate to alot of your story in that regard, and it’s a fight, but I believe that it will be worth it in the end. Maybe you can join the livestream for some fun. I’m here if you need someone to talk to, but I’m not a professional, so if you need that, I encourage you to pursuit that option.

You are loved, hold fast my friend. Life is so much more than this.

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Hey Tommy - welcome to the community and well done on reaching out. I’m currently battling addictions myself - self harm and prescription pills, I completely understand that it feels like you can’t function without them. I highly encourage you to get involved in the community discord/streams. Finding people this way has really helped me. I’m a little over 3 weeks clean of all pills and honestly - it’s getting a lot harder, however I have people here to catch me, that won’t allow me fall back into the control of those pills if I let them help me. It’s not completely hopeless - maybe some talking therapy could be of use to you, to talk about and come to terms with the past events. You can beat this.

Hold fast
Kayla

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Tommy,

First thank you for opening up and posting, reaching out is always the hardest thing that you have to do, and it never gets easier it seems.

I’m sorry that you feel like you are on this road alone. Your feelings of lack of joy and pushing people away is something that I also deal with these symptoms with my Depression and sometimes Anxiety as well. So I am familiar with it as well. I’m sorry that you are acquainted with it too, but there is hope on this path you’ve found yourself on. You are not alone.

I had a very difficult mental journey thinking about group therapy when I was admitted to outpatient treatment. I was embarrassed, I was ashamed, I felt incredibly vulnerable and exposed. And I didn’t like the thought of it, I didn’t want to entertain it at all. I was definitely resistant to the idea, before even trying it. I was in a “dual” group, where people had issues with substance abuse and mental illnesses. I thought, that people would judg me and think I was crazy and weird. After a few days of not really opening up and listening to all of the group members talking I began to realize that despite our differences for being in this group for help, a lot of our symptoms, experiences, and feelings were the same. This really helped me in opening up and sharing with the group. This also made it easier for me to talk to people about things I struggle with.

I feel very comfortable in sharing anything I can to help others, as well as reaching out with my thoughts and struggles to people who are here on the support wall. It’s an extremely beneficial source to have, you can trust that people here just want to show you love and support.

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I started drinking when my parents divorced. My mom didnt handle it well, and one night I came home to her laying on the floor almost dead from the amount of pills she took. I was with my ex for 5 years, I was very much in love. Last year i had found out she was cheating on my eoth my best friend. That night i attempted to end my life, the only thing that stopped me was that i forgot to load my gun. I could tell you more but id be writing a short story. I drink to forget, and then it became i drank because i needed alcohol to make it through each day.

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Appreciate it :heart:
And if you know the song from those lyrics do tell me, i loved it.

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Hey kayla, congrats on being clean! Ive been struggling to stay sober. The longest ive went was 2 weeks and the withdrawls were terrible, the urge and want to drink are hard to fight. Im still dealing with some pretty tough stuff so that makes trying not to drink so much harder. For i have just started reaching out for help, i will def look into your reccomendations. I appreciate the feedback :heart:

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Appreciate the feedback :heart:
This is hard yes, just like you said. I cant tell you how many times ive wrote out the topic just to delete it. Ive never really opened up to anyome. Ive always been the guy that seemed nothing bothered him, i never showed any emotion. Ive always been so quick to be there and help others but i never could help myself. Everyone noticed something was up when i started drinking heavily, im a completely different person. My depression is very bad, but i always kept my problems to myself. Just doing this helps, i never thought it would but i feel alittle weight off my shoulders.

Like you said you know how the feeling is, and i wish you the best on your journey :heart:

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Of course - the 3 weeks I’ve had have been hell, and still are unbareable. I’m dealing with a lot right now too and it’s making it VERY difficult. If you get a good support system behind you and you WANT to be sober - you will get it. It IS possible even if it doesn’t feel that way. I wouldn’t be able to do this on my own. You don’t have too either.

Kayla

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Hey @Tommy,

First of all, I want to welcome you to the HeartSupport community! I hope you find safety and refuge within this amazing community. .

This is a step in the right direction and I’m proud of you - admitting what you’re struggling with and having the fiery spirit to fight back. Please keep us updated on the journey!

What happens when you crash? Does this mean relapsing on alcohol? If this is the case, don’t focus on the fact that you slipped up - instead, focus on the victory of how far you made it. Then, set a goal to beat your record by 1 addition day. Then another. And another. I’m not sure what your history is like in terms of AA/counseling, but I would highly recommend checking it out because community/accountability is extremely important in terms of beating an addiction. You’re strong! We believe in you.

-Eric

the song was wings by cimorelli. i hope your doing okay friend. if you need anything message me . my twitter is @ allaroundashley… i hope your doing better friend.
-ashley

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Cimorelli and their songs are freaking amazing!

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Working on it, realizing its a long road. Same goes for you too, If you need someone to talk to message me!

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