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Anxiety is wreaking havoc, so I'm here to document it and to remind you that you're not alone

Hey everyone! I don’t post here much, but I read all of your posts every day. :wink:

A little about me (that’s relative to this post): I work almost every day. M-F I’m an inside sales representative for a moving company, and I’m a part-time EMT on Saturday and Sunday. I’ve had this schedule for a little over 2 years now, and I’ve been handling it relatively well, given both jobs are semi-relaxing (we have too many reps at my M-F job so once my workload is done I’m usually just chilling around the office, and when I’m not on EMT calls on the weekend, I’m hanging out with buddies around the station). The two primary reasons why I began working so much are #1) I wanted to make money quicker to “catch up” to my peers and #2) When I have nothing to do during the day, anxiety has a “field day” with me. Working dodged this issue, but it absolutely didn’t (and doesn’t) solve it.

Well, I think I’m finally starting to break.

The catalyst to this latest episode was getting turned down (again) after making it the final round of interviews for a new M-F job (being a Partnership Development Representative at a mental health tech company). Since then (last week), it has been a continual spiral downwards in mental health. At first, it was battling negative thoughts. After wrangling those thoughts and combatting them with truth, depression started to calm down a little, but anxiety has continued to absolutely skyrocket. The problem: All of the tools I have in my backpack to combat anxiety aren’t significantly working. Now I’m experiencing nocturnal panic attacks (waking up in the middle of a panic/anxiety attack), so it’s getting a little out-of-hand.

I view anxiety has my brain screaming “something needs to change” - Alas, I agree. A few things I’ve been thinking of changing:

#1) Building a “quiet corner” in my room, consisting of a coffee table holding candles, a zen water fountain, and an essential oil diffuser with lavender. Next to the coffee table, two colored, shelved floor lamps with plants, and a bean bag to sit on, in front of the coffee table. The quiet corner will be dedicated to relax, nap, read, meditate, pray, and breathe. It’ll be a little expensive to build, but studies show that you value something the more you work on achieving it (via dedicating time, money, etc., to achieve your goal), so I’m hoping this’ll trigger something to take seriously.

#2) I’m thinking it might be time to start small by taking Sundays off of work, and to combat my “weekend anxiety” head-on. It’ll be really hard at first, and I’ll need to figure out what to do, but I think it’ll pay off in the long run. Working every day did feel nice by getting extra pocket change and dodging anxiety, but I’ve had to sacrifice church, friendships, and relationships in the meantime. There’s something special about community outside of the workforce, and I’ve been missing that for a while.

#3) It’s probably time to check back into counseling. Having a trained professional next to me to guide me throughout this process will be helpful. I thought I could do this on my own, but my symptoms disagree.

Anyway, that’s all I have so far. If you have thoughts or anything to add, I would greatly appreciate it!

And as always, you’re not alone in the fight. We’re all in this together and we’ll get through it!

8 Likes

The quiet corner sounds like a wonderful idea! I have two special spots at my place. One is my man cave, and the second is a sunporch that has a water fountain. There is a lot of very nice meditation music available on YouTube. I have an old Tablet PC that I use to stream the music into a nice set of speakers.

It sounds like working has been your go to measure for coping with anxiety. That can work, but as you have indicated, it has caused you to miss out on other fulfilling activities. Just as work is a diversion for you, other activities can also function in the same way.

It is very hard to accept being turned down for a job when feeling well qualified to perform it. It can make a person have self-doubts. It’s no fun being compared to someone else, and found to be less desirable. However, it may have nothing to do with being thought of as less desirable or qualified. Sometimes a different person is chosen because they are willing to accept less money. Sometimes the employer wants a person who isn’t terribly confident, and is willing to “suck up.” Sometimes the employer isn’t qualified to make the best choice in hiring.

  • Scarlett Johansson. …
  • Anna Wintour. …
  • Jennifer Aniston. …
  • Hugh Jackman. …
  • Harrison Ford. …
  • Steve Jobs. …
  • J. K. Rowling. …
  • Steven Spielberg…
    All these people were rejected by the “experts.” Oprah was told she was “unfit for TV.”
    Thomas Edison and I were thrown out of school, considered “unteachable.”

Yes, I think counseling is a good idea. I also think you could benefit from providing counsel.

I think your posting is wonderful. Thanks for being here!

I LOVE LOVE this approach to breaking it down into identifying the first signs, acknowledging them and making a plan to deal with them, very awesome stuff!

I love the corner idea. Maybe instead of building everything from scratch, maybe you could make it a bonding moment and take a friend with you to a garage sale of thrift store, if you don’t mind sharing the corner-build with others. This could inject some more happy memories into each new piece and have a more grounding, peaceful association for you.

A water feature is such a lovely idea too! It sounds very cozy and relaxing already, hope you have lots of fun getting it done! We’re here for you too!