Someone told a domestic abuse joke. As a survivor of domestic abuse, I didn’t find it funny. I calmly told the person I did not find it funny and explained politely why. They got defensive with me saying that it was just a joke and they are a survivor too, they know it’s not funny, but it was just a joke and I needed to not be so sensitive. I did my best to remain calm and explained to them that while I understood they thought it was funny, I didn’t, and it made me feel pretty anxious. They continued to be dismissive and I had to walk away, but I have this giant knot of nerves in the pit of my stomach. My anxiety is spiking over this. I don’t like confrontations at all and I’m doing my best to just breathe, but I still feel incredibly anxious and like I did something wrong. I’m trying to remember that my anxiety lies to me along with my depression, but I’m having trouble getting out of that spiral of emotions.
I don’t believe you did anything wrong. I think you handled it well. We aren’t always going to be able to get people to see it our way, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have the right to feel a certain way about something…ESPECIALLY when it’s something we have personal experience with. I think you have every right to defend what you believe.
Also remember…you said it yourself, you are a “survivor of domestic abuse.” You survived! You are still here! You are still standing!
Praying for you.
@Mothergamer Hi! I hope this doesn’t sound weird but I see you in Hylian’s chat a lot! I’m a big lurker, so I doubt you’ve seen me that much, if at all. It’s good to see you, despite the circumstances that brought you here.
I get the same way when confronting something. My anxiety boils over the top and I’m even more overly aware of everything for a couple of days. I have to concentrate on just breathing so I don’t spiral out of control into a flat out anxiety attack. Because of that, I avoid confrontation as much as possible. It’s terrible of me but I tend to ignore it when someone says something that is insensitive, and then rarely a few days later I’ll end up addressing it.
I agree, you definitely didn’t do anything wrong. The only way people learn that some jokes aren’t ok is by teaching them about the consequences of making these situations into something funny. They aren’t funny. Not for the people who have been through it, not for the people who are going through it and not for the people who will be going through it in the future. What you did is a good thing. I’m glad you realize that your anxiety and depression lie to you.
Have you found anything that helps you to calm down a bit when this happens? If you haven’t, I’d like to suggest looking into that. It would be helpful to have something you can turn to in other situations as well.
I hope your anxiety calms down soon.
~Daisy 
A few years back I was in a social group that was pretty similar. Only it was constant rape and molestation jokes. They were awful! I tried to gently ask them not to and explained why it’s not something to be joked about, but they dismissed me and told me that nobody cares about my opinion. Shortly after, they sent me to a youtube video that basically is a song about how your opinion doesn’t matter.
My anxiety was through the roof and I eventually just had to pull myself out of that circle.
I get it and I’m sorry. It’s pretty understandable that you feel that way. Just know that the people here care. <3
You have every right to respond and act the way you did. Sometimes people are insensitive sometimes people have a dark sense of humor and use that as a means of coping. I know for myself I have a dark sense of humor but that is due to my one job and sometimes I see things that can be bad or stressful. But just because that works for me that doesn’t mean it works for everyone else. If I say something and it comes off insensitive or mean I apologize and let the person know I was not aware that would offend you and it was not my intention to offend you. Most of the time it ends with that and we both move on. For the person responding the way they did that is on them not you. Your thoughts opinions emotions are valid and are meaningful. Maybe they responded the way they did as a defense mechanism, maybe they are still coping with that situation I can’t say only speculate. Whatever it is, it is on them not you. I’m sorry that they hurt you and caused unnecessary anxiety. You have every right to be sensitive and to let the person know your thoughts. You’re a survivor and will continue to thrive. Stay strong and do you no matter what anyone else says.
Thank you so much everyone for your kind words. I am feeling a bit better. I did some yoga this morning. I find that doing yoga and focusing on my breathing while I’m doing it helps a lot when my anxiety spikes. I appreciate you all being so supportive and understanding. This has helped me to feel a lot better too. <3
Oh good! Glad you are feeling better! Yoga is a excellent way to clear the mind! Hope you have a wonderful weekend sweetheart!
You have done nothing wrong! I am a survivor of abuse as well. Abuse is nothing to joke about. I would be extremely upset and have a lot of anxiety as well. It would definitely trigger me because the abuse I sustained from my ex put me through so many things. I ended up in the hospital because of him and almost died. I definitely know where you’re coming from because the slightest things trigger me. I’m so sorry you went through abuse 
no one ever deserves to have to go through something as traumatic as that…whoever made those jokes definitely aren’t survivors of abuse if they are making jokes like that. It’s not funny.
I’ll apologize now for the heated reply because my blood is boiling.
I am a DV survivor. I was jumped from my marriage. I carry a life time of scars and disabilities from it. Nerve damage in my neck that causes my left side to go numb randomly, a TBI from a triple layered concussion, titanium in my body from surgery at the hands of his abuse are just a few).
I have dedicated my life to speaking out on this topic for those who still are afraid to or can’t speak out yet. So before all else… THANK YOU! Thank you for having the courage so stand up for yourself. Thank you for having the courage for your voice to be heard. So many survivors for years and for some their entire life time won’t speak up to others in a situation like this because we hear that head that “we don’t matter”. We do matter, and you speaking up brings me tears of joy.
I get we all go through our process differently once we come out the other side and do our own thing to cope but… when someone comes to you saying “I don’t find it funny” you as the joke teller need to stop there. “Thank you for letting me know, I won’t joke with you on it any more” is the reply that needs to be given, just for the respect for the topic knowing someone isn’t able to crack a joke over it.
You did absolutely nothing wrong, and I applaud you with a standing ovation from my chair to your eyes for speaking out. Thank you again!