Anxious :/

things have still been a mix of good and bad for me lately. yesterday I had some intense feelings and wanted to self harm last night. I was sad all day. sad that it feels not many care. sad that im the outcast friend. sad that not many want to hang out with me or message me. so many deep thoughts lurk and find their way into my brain. Last night the flip switched from depression and I started to feel more anxious again. I had a hard time falling asleep. Today im not so sad, i just feel my head is really disorganized. I feel anxious. its the type of anxiety where you are focused on every breath you take and feel like you cant breathe and its a constant thing ( which i hate so much) and where you feel physically ill. I hope I can find a way to ease up my anxiety. I cant tell my parents. Any time I do or have they always make things worse and are not understanding:/ the last time I went to the er for anxiety they gave me a bottle of hydroxyzine so I have that in case of emergency but I hate hate hate taking it because I feel it makes me disassociate? Maybe im not sure. And it makes me groggy and depressed. I dont want that. My anxiety isnt unbearable now, I just fear its gonna continue to grow again. also I wish I had the courage to reach out for help from friends when I struggle. I used to but now its hard. unless im venting here ( which feels like my only safe space ) I only have like 2 friends I can actually open up to. They both have made it clear and that im not a burden. I just fear opening up to people from the past. Ive had negative results from doing so:/ i just wish I had more support in my dark times. but, one thing that helps me is music. i listen to lotss of good bands. Big beartooth fan, love omam, started recently listening to fit for a king again too. just in general that sorta stuff with a dash of emo like pierce the veil/ my chem XD but man music always carries me through so much. Im so thankful for the artists I listen to. For years bands have been my hiding place. I prob wouldnt be here without them

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Hey, it sucks that you’re feeling low-key anxious for what seems like no good reason. I’m glad you’re acknowledging it though. You’re taking control of the situation, so it’s less likely to spiral out of control.

Anxiety is a little out of my wheelhouse, but keep grounding exercises handy. Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste (or something along those lines). Actively engaging all 5 senses helps calm the dissociative shitstorm going on in a panic attack. Meditate if that’s your thing. It’s still a habit I want to pick up, so I’m not the final authority on that. What I do like when I’m anxious is cranking metal in my headphones and exercising until I can’t move. Some days are shorter than others :stuck_out_tongue:

Awesome that you’ve found music as a positive way to get through! FFAK is my current favorite band, I enjoy watching Ryan’s Twitch reruns when I get the chance, and I’ve really enjoyed working through The Embrace as a Christian who doesn’t wholly trust the church. Also, I got my tickets for the Beartooth tour this fall, and I’m beyond stoked for that!

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Thank you for the response dude. And you’re so lucky !! I was bummed beartooth isnt having a show near me. Def gotta see them live someday though! They truly are awesome. Cant wait for the album here soon as well! Devastation, the past is dead & hell of it are absolute bangers

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