I would love to hear from any of you. I am a youth pastor as of last year. Things have been going great, but recently I’ve been feeling so down. I experienced severe depression when I was in my final two years of high school, then after some help, I slowly found myself again. Now several years later, I am so scared that it will be that way again. I’m trying my best to stay motivated and focused but it can be super hard. I’ve been having some serious breakdowns and it has dramatically impacted my relationship with my friends, roommates, etc. I hope whoever relates to this feels love
i understand how you feel. i get mad at myself for not having my life fully planed. try to focus on the POSITIVE things. feeling down is not a bad thing. i feel it all the time! but you really need to TRY. BE POSITIVE.
its interesting. i have found myself feeling eerie emotions from the past. when i think to them, i remember the hard times, the hurt, the loneliness, the pain. however, as i have been walking with God, i am reminded of what he did to bring me out. if i may, i have found in this season that reflecting to the past especially what he has done for me, has been encouraging.
i have also allowed myself to feel those feelings again, and recognize that, “hey iv have been there before, and i came out of it.” you are good
I can surely relate to what you described. Very recently (a couple of weeks), I’ve been feeling that what I did to work on myself, on my depression and anxiety, has been blown away. I have breakdowns, most of the time for no reason at the moment and I feel very numb most of the time. I recognize myself as being in the same mindset/emotional state I was right after the loss of someone dear to my heart, when I felt like being just in this constant fog, without being able to describe it really. I’ve been feeling severely down - now a little better, thankfully -, and when I mean “down” it’s in a way that I haven’t seen for years. Just like you, I’m afraid that the efforts I did before to feel better were for nothing, as I too experienced a severe depression, and am learning now to handle a chronic one. I’m afraid to be back at the same point again. It’s discouraging, for sure. But I want to believe that feeling like this is normal right now, and it doesn’t mean that you and I are back at square one.
I think the current circumstances are playing a major role in this. Quarantine, objectively, has been affecting many of us (if not everyone), in different ways. But obviously, when we’re already a bit vulnerable in regards of our mental health, it doesn’t help. I’ve seen here on the Support Wall at least two weeks when people talked about relapsing into unhealthy ways to cope, ruminating difficult events, losses, traumas, and in general more distress and nervosity. Unfortunately, with lockdowns everywhere, we have objectively too much time to think but not enough ways to socialize. We realize what is important in our life, what is not, and sometimes it can be painful. I think, in these circumstances, that we can just feel easily trapped in our minds. Personally, at first I thought I wouldn’t be affected by the situation (I’m quite shy/introverted, I’m okay not to go outside all the time). But I have been very surprised to see and admit that yes, it affects me. In ways that I didn’t expect at all.
I think it’s important just not to underestimate the impact that this situation can have (also why I find it interesting that you don’t mention it at all). And also, at the same time, the impact on keeping, as much as possible, healthy habits, routines, ways to cope. To keep being in touch with others, even if it’s not the same for the moment. In the news/medias, there are more doctors talking now about the after-effects of all of this - we can expect a massive increase of depressions and the need for a sustainable help in regards of mental health.
We don’t know how future is going to be. It is objectively exhausting to feel like we’re navigating in so many uncertainties. Especially if you feel like you are falling down again. Though, it doesn’t mean you are going to experience the same situation again. And you can already do what is needed to take care of yourself. Just because, with our mental health in general, there are things we can see/feel objectively and quickly. But we can also feel like something is changing in ourselves and be able to identify it only afterwards.
Personally, and for what it’s worth to say this, I want to think that the rules we apply to ourselves everyday doesn’t necessarily apply here during quarantine: and that’s 100% okay. We can let a lot of pressure go away and try to focus on ourselves, as much as possible - or at least as a priority. I guess, in regards of these breakdowns that you have, you’ll need to give yourself some grace so it doesn’t get worse at first. It’s okay to feel how you feel. It’s okay not to feel okay. It’s okay to say it to your roommates and friends “I’m not okay, I have a strange feeling, I can’t really explain but I hope you understand”.
I also know that it’s hard to keep some healthy habits when we feel very depressed, it’s natural. Yet, I guess - but it’s only my opinion - that it’s very important to make sure that you keep responding to your basic needs as much as possible. Eating, sleeping, a bit of exercise (even just stretching), but also getting some fresh air everyday (even when you don’t want to). It won’t necessarily makes you feel good instantly, but I think it’s just important to make sure that you keep some healthy foundations, especially if you feel like you’re vulnerable emotionally (I’m sorry if it’s already the case, as I know you didn’t mention that, I guess it’s just a reminder to take of yourself then ).
There are some resources on HeartSupport and also on the Support Wall. To connect with others, work on ourselves/our mental health but also keep a healthy lifestyle. I’ll leave you here the links, so you can check on that if you want, at your own pace. Hopefully this can help, at least during this weird season we are experiencing.
I guess, the conclusion of this - too long - reply is: no, you are absolutely not alone. And, as much as I am sorry that you’re having these breakdowns, feeling like you’re relapsing somehow, I also want to believe that we still have some power and control over what we can do to feel okay/stay safe. Those breakdowns can be seen as some kind of red flags - nothing wrong in itself, nothing harmful in itself, but certainly that you need to take some steps further to take care of yourself. And that’s okay. Hold fast.
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