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Appearance

Kind of random, but I may have an appearance issue. I’m 27yr old guy that weighs roughly 135, 140 with boots on haha. I’m skinny and sometimes I think that being my size doesn’t attract women because I see other guys naturally bigger than me seemingly attracting women and it’s not because of their personality. That’s a whole different topic. To make matters worse I suppose, is that I’m 5’8. So I’m not tall which may make my skinniness a moot point. I’m short and skinny, the worse combination. So for three weeks now I’ve been working myself out to exhaustion every other day. Lifting weights, ab workouts, etc. in an attempt to get bigger, or at least ripped. I wonder if I’m being overdramatic because I rationalize in my head if I don’t do it then I won’t attract. I don’t know, kind of confusing to read sorry haha. I also look in the mirror and sigh because of how small I am.

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Feeling like you don’t fit in to the ideal appearance is something I am really struggling with too. It’s really awful. I’m a girl but I know what you’re talking about. People are really superficial sometimes, and aren’t even quiet about it. People can be super rude. I don’t know if this is helpful at all… haha. I’m also new here and don’t know if there’s a way to chat, but I’m available.

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Welcome to heartsupport :slightly_smiling_face:. Maybe I’m just too self-conscious, but sometimes I wish I was born with a normal-sized body for a male. It’s one thing I ask God about all the time, why am I physically weaker looking? If you’re not a Christian you can ignore that last sentence haha. I’m just tired of looking in the mirror and seeing what I have/ don’t have and then seeing other guys that were seemingly born with perfect genes. I know not all of them work out, etc. Thanks for your response. Also, I think there’s a way to direct message on here.

Hey thanks! :slight_smile: I totally get thinking “why me”, and comparing yourself to others. It so easy nowadays too, Instagram is the absolute worst. Supposedly looking in the mirror and trying to find something you do like about yourself helps. It’s sometimes hard to do because the negative thoughts are so loud, but I do give it a shot. I think a lot of women like stuff that isn’t typical “ideal beauty” too. For instance, I really like ears that stick out and large noses. I don’t know why :laughing:, but I do. I personally don’t have a body type preference, and I think 5’8" is certainly tall enough for a man and I’m 5’8" myself. So yeah there are girls that want big muscular guys but there’s no denying that there are girls that don’t want big muscular guys. Oh side note, I think instead of trying to bulk up and possibly injuring yourself, maybe try activities that are strength building but also fun and make you feel awesome. Have you ever tried rock-climbing? I think your body-type would be pro at that! Rock-climbers are impressive as hell too!

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I appreciate the feedback. It’s a shame that men and women can be so shallow when it comes to physical appearance. Being attractive to someone who is healthy is one thing, but I feel a lot of society sets ridiculous standards. If you don’t have blank then you’re not attractive. So dumb. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me=)

There are a lot of guys out there who wish you could take some extra weight off their hands. That’s not to say your insecurity isn’t valid, but rather to say everyone is some kind of insecure about their appearance. I wish I weighed about 20lbs less and had more hair :laughing:

Physical attraction is important to everyone, no matter how people try to say it shouldn’t matter; but physical attraction is different between people. Not all women find any one man attractive. I’ve known plenty of women who don’t like muscle bound studs. I know plenty of women whose type IS the skinny guy. I’ve also known women who like their guys a bit overweight.

There are women out there who would find you attractive. They don’t carry signs, you have to do a little searching, but there are plenty of women who think you look just fine the way you are. By all means work out if you want to, but do it for you, not them. I can tell you that working out (read: changing yourself) for the sole purpose of picking up women will make you less confident, not more. I know it sounds trite and it’s easier said than done, but being comfortable in your own skin is the most attractive thing you can do, whether that’s hitting the gym a couple time a week or coming as you are.

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I see what you’re saying. I guess it’s a mental thing. Sometimes it just seems like the naturally fit guys who btw are Aholes, get the girl. I guess my conundrum is how do Aholes get the girl? I reasoned it was because they’re fit wether naturally or working out.

Let me also state that I am currently seeing a woman, so I don’t struggle talking to them haha. Just seems like those type of guys have women fall head over heels for them and I can’t understand why. Like I said, j reasoned it was because of physical appearance

Women aren’t so different from men. When they don’t know what they want, they prioritize looks. It’s not inherently bad–if you don’t know what you want, how else do you know what to look for?? Gotta start somewhere. As for the “regular guys,” they may have to wait a little longer for women who have grown up and know what they want in a relationship, but those relationships will be much better quality. For their part, as men get older, a lot of times they broaden their definitions of what makes women attractive.

I used to bemoan “nice guys finish last,” then I realized well, of course they do. A nice guy who partners and/or marries a girl is the “last” one. Sort of like misplacing your keys and finding them in “the last place you looked.” Well yeah, why would you keep looking after that? In fact, I think you could make the argument that the fit a-hole who is still womanizing into middle age never finished at all.