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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Falling Away From Me By KORN
As a child I was scared of my father, he’d beat me viciously with a thick leather belt, shoes or whatever he laid his hands on. I’d hide under my bed and shake, he abandoned us and was showing up and disappearing from my life as I grew up.
I was raised by other relatives and the person that raised me I think she loved me but when she was mad at me she’d yell at me, call me a flag, an useless piece of shit, beat me with belts, tell me she regretted taking care of me so as a 5-6 year old I wished I had never been born or taking my life a lot. Thus I grew up with a lot of hate for myself , my life, my twin brother (cuz I projected myself on him) and with no self esteem. Korn was an outlet for me, even when I didn’t understand their lyrics I could relate to their songs because I never told anyone about my situation. I just suffered in silence until last year.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, and I’m incredibly sorry for what you are experiencing. I hear you, and I’m really glad you’re sharing your story. Growing up in such a tough environment can leave deep scars. When home isn’t a safe place, it can feel like you have nowhere to turn, and the harsh words and violence can really stick with you.
Music, like Korn for you, became an important escape for me too. Listening to lyrics that seemed to understand my feelings made me less alone, even if the songs didn’t always make perfect sense. I never really talked to anyone about my struggles either, and I carried my pain silently for a long time.
It took me a while to understand that sharing my feelings with someone I trusted could help. Little by little, talking to a friend made me feel like I didn’t have to carry everything by myself. I learned that being gentle with myself and finding small wins, like doing something kind for myself or recognizing my progress, helped rebuild my self-esteem.
You’ve already shown a lot of strength by opening up about what you went through. It’s not easy, and I’m really grateful that you’re sharing this with us. You’re not alone.
Oh friend. You can be so proud of yourself for opening up about what you’ve been through. It must have been incredibly lonely to keep your pain silent for so long after being abused and hurt at such a young age. So early in life people behaved in ways that made you feel like you were nothing and not worth being loved, which was absolutely not true and only a reflection of their poor choices and hatred. You never did or said anything that could ever justify such treatment. You were just a child, and you deserved to be protected, loved and cared for.
Coming from an abusive household myself, I feel so much of the heaviness of your words and the burdens you’ve had to carry on your own, for too long. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for still being here today. For not giving up on yourself, not giving up on hope. And even more for sharing your story. Somehow, speaking up is the very first step towards healing and learning to take ownership over our life again after being abused and knowing such trauma. What you have been through might be part of your story, but it will never define you, your identity or who you can become. It was also never, absolutely never, a reflection of your worth.
My friend, I don’t know if you’ve heard this before but please hear it from us: you matter, you are important and you belong. There is a place in this world for you, even if the very people who should have taken care of you failed you. They were not worth you.
I’m sending plenty of hugs and thoughts your way today. Wishing you all the best moving forward. You deserve to find peace and healing through all of this. To build a story that will finally feel yours.
