Ashes from a past war

So, it has been quite a long time since my last post. Things are getting better, my life did a completely 180 and I’ve been doing a little bit better. I met this girl, she is cute and beautiful, we started texting on the first week of January and since then I’ve been enjoying my life a little bit, I used to like this girl back in the day but I never told her because I was afraid I wasn’t enough. I told her about my feelings like 3 weeks ago and she told me that she likes me too and that she would like to be my girlfriend some day in the future. However she told that she wants to talk to me more in person before making anything oficial and that’s where the problem is. I usually don’t have problems talking to girls and getting close to them as I do with my boy-friends, but the things is that I did something really bad and also I’m still hurt from my last relationship… every time I get close to her I get nervous and my mind get blank. She says that she feels the same and that also she is shy because I’m the first guy that actually tried and got closed to her, but that doesn’t help much with my situation, also I just got diagnosed with paranoia and anxiety, so I’ve been having a hard time trying to keep myself together. I have a lot of things to tell her and also I want to be happy and she know how I feel and she likes the way I express my feelings, I don’t get to see her in school very much and she is busy almost always but I still like her and I want the best for both… sorry if this is long but I can’t hold it anymore and I need some good advice because I’d hate to lose her even tough she already told me that it won’t happen.



It’s tough to be in a spot where you want something so badly and you’re terrified to lose it. Like you’ve got the highest of the highs, but it feels like you’re afraid to fall because it’s been so long since you’ve felt this good.

What is it that you did that was really bad that’s compounding your nervousness? Sounds like addressing some of that might be helpful, because I’m sure there’s an element of fearing that if she discovers what you did that she’d leave you.

And fearing in person conversation makes sense because you don’t have as much time to deliberate about what to say, how to look good, etc. You have to “get it right” on the spot, or else – again, the fear comes back to – she’s going to leave you.

Why are you afraid she will leave you?



The thing I did is that I had sex with a girl that I didn’t wanted to. I was in her house and at that time I just wanted some company but one thing led to the other and we had sex and then her dad found us and the whole schools knew about it… so I think she knows about that and besides there was a teacher talking trash of me just because of what I did. That’s not why I’m afraid, I’m afraid because of my mental illness and that it might scare her and she will leave me, she have said that she won’t and that she will be here if I need her but yet I feel weak and like a coward because I’m rubbing my crap into another person. Is something I don’t like and even tough I’m not doing that, it feels like it.

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It’s totally understandable to feel how you do, but I think being open about how you feel can go a long way. Sometimes when I have a lot of feelings I want to express and I’m overwhelmed by emotion, I will write down how I feel. Then I’ll sleep on it.

Then later I’ll come back and read what I wrote again, with a clearer head and more rested. Then I can see if anything in what I wrote needs to be edited and changed up a little bit.

Often the case is when we rest on how we are feeling, we wake up with a clearer head and able to think a little better. So maybe write up the things you’d like to talk about with her, sleep on it and then come back to it and touch it up. Then go talk to her about what your feeling.

Paranoia can be tricky. I have fought with that a lot in my life and it’s so easy to give it control. To let it consume you. I think it’s good to kinda take a step back, take a deep breath and remember that our minds can try to trick us into thinking things not true. Maybe ask yourself why you truly feel the paranoid thought that you do and if there is really anything realistically there that makes that Thought true or if it’s just needless worry. Often the case it’s just needless worry and we need to remind ourselves it will be okay. :heart:

You can also talk about it here when situations arise and people can talk you through it.

I think the biggest thing is just to be honest. :heart:

So much love to you.

  • Kitty

Dude. Congratulations! You found a great girl you really like who likes you back! The nerves are completely natural. It must feel like the stakes are really high. Dating, romance, and love are confusing, and no one gets better at it, we all just keep trying until we find a match. But I feel like cheering for you because I could have never dreamed of a crush liking me back!

The fact that she’s feeling nervous too tells me she feels the exact same way you do. The fact that she still likes you even though everyone talks trash about your past tells me she can see you for you, not the “mistakes” you made. Her being busy and y’all not being able to spend much time together in person is really hard. And paranoia and anxiety are poisoning your mind and making you second guess everything. But read what you wrote!

She likes you too! She’s nervous too because she likes you so much! You’re not perfect at talking to her and you may feel awkward, but she feels the same awkwardness talking to you. That’s authentic! One of our biggest fears as humans is fear of rejection, and that goes for both guys and girls. But you showed enormous courage, you went for it, you took a big chance telling her how you felt, and she accepted it and echoed it. That’s huge! I only did that once with a girl I had a crush on, and pretty much the exact opposite happened.

Your anxiety isn’t going to make this easy. You’ll second guess everything you do. You don’t have to be Don Juan to win a girl over. Being yourself should be enough, and in this case it sounds like that’s exactly what’s happening! I want to congratulate you for executing the perfect expression of your feelings!

My advice to you is to write down your worries about your actions, free association with no restrictions, take a break for a couple hours, then read it like you were reading someone else’s journal and highlight the good parts. Read those good parts, and know that that’s you man! You’re the guy who’s getting the girl in this love story, no matter what your anxiety and paranoia tell you! Do this every time you start doubting yourself and questioning what’s going on. I’m happy for you!


Man it’s so tough to feel like we carry baggage we’re afraid others won’t be willing to carry with us.