At 60 years old now and this miserably bad dream t

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At 60 years old now, and this miserably bad dream that I call my life has come and nearly gone now! From the start, I was molested by the age of 5, bullied relentlessly all through school and into adulthood and the workplace. I was used up by family and everyone who I opened my self up to. I was cheated, cheated on, denied, rejected, kicked out, not let in, always told “no” and that “I can’t”. Between lifelong mental health issues, learning impairments, and lately, severe rheumatoid arthritis, gout, torn rotator cuff and back muscles as a result of working my ass off for 40 years in the family business as a modern day coal miner as it were, for little money, no retirement. All my dreams of what I could have become are just about completely null now. I first starting thinking about suicide in school and I still think about it now and then, knowing there is always a last resort when I just can’t take it anymore and want off this carnival ride. The only thing that gets me through is The Lord Jesus Christ. if it wasn’t for God, I would have taken myself out a long time ago. I still hang on for this cliff hanger. No sense in ending my life now. I try to see it as one more ride at a time at the amusement park, just to see how this one goes. I got this far, so I’ll just keep suffering as I always did, and mostly on my own. Of course on my own, because nobody ever really understood me. Not family or anyone else. I used to wear my “mask” as it were on the outside. It got too ugly for most people and those who tried to let me in and tried to help were getting scared away or were tired of the misery I would show. I have to hide it as best I can, or I’ll be totally alone, which is completely at the bottom of it all as it is. Instead of just wearing the mask to show your pain, maybe you all can find a way to heal and throw the mask away. They basically told me, “you’re just having another pity party”. “A feeling sorry for yourself all the time woe is me, feel sorry for me moment”. The people don’t get it, but I have to deal with their unfeeling, un-understanding comments and lectures in order for them to help me with things I can’t do. I try my best to suck it up, deal with all of it and hope the end of it all is coming fast.

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Deeply connected with your story and wanted to do a video reply (~10m): Video reply: At 60 years old now and this miserably bad dream | Loom

-nate, heartsupport staff

@@HeartSupport Hi! Are you looking to do some kind of interview or instead of text replying you wanted to zoom or something? Sorry, I’m not the sharpest knife in the picnic ware. :roll_eyes: