I am done. I am FUCKING DONE. I thought I could make this work, I thought I could push myself a little harder to improve my life. But I am working like a slave for my abusive grandfather while he emotionally abuses me, school is hard, my friends are constantly leaving me and telling me they’re done with me because I stream. My siblings, who I care about more than anything in the world, are keeping secrets behind my back and avoiding to talk to me and talking to my oldest sibling so she can give me a lecture on why I should be more selfless. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING IF THEY DON’T JUST TALK TO ME. It makes me feel so fucking alone and helpless. I’m stressing over my boyfriend coming to see me in Canada from the U.S and all these problems are happening NOW. I can’t stop looking at medication to overdose on. I found a bottle, I might take it tonight I don’t know.
To be blunt, it sounds like your life sucks right now and I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with these issues. You pushed harder and now that your effort seemed like in van nothing seems worth it. You’re angry and its completely understandable.
You don’t seem like a weak person, so in my opinion it may be best to stop believing you are a victim. Even if you are a victim, there is a certain amount of power and strength to be gained from not falling into a victim mindset. Life sucks sometimes, things go wrong and we fail sometimes. Life can and will go on. View it as a challenge (as hard as it may be). Push your anger towards a goal, surpass the expectations of those who are trying to push you down.
Overdosing on pills is a bad idea. I have a friend who tried that twice and both times she ended up in hospital, embarrassed but far from dead. It will only make things worse. I know that feeling of recklessness and self-destruction, but you have got to fight it. Give yourself the time you need to cool down and reset and keep trying again.
I know that this seems impossible to do but if it’s any consolation, I need to follow my own advice now and it scares the hell out of me as well. Thankfully heart support is here for both of us.
Never give up. You are worth more than you know