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Attachment issues | Vent

Over the years, I’ve struggled to make lasting relations. I feel there’s just something about me that pushes most people away, and none of my relations have ever lasted more than 2 years, leaving me alone at the end of everything. All this has got me in such a way that I get too attached to new people I meet way too fast, while they don’t feel the same way about me in the slightest. I’ve done the same many times before, but I just can’t seem to stop it from happening over and over, and it’s happened again. I’m just so drained from all the emotional stress that comes with this rut I’m in. It takes me months to come to terms with it, and the peace never lasts.

Sure, I have people who care and would do anything for me. sure, I have people to rely on, but something always feels… missing. it always feels like I’m a lesser priority than someone else, which to some extent is always true, because no matter what, one will always be closer to someone they’ve known for longer. and it doesn’t help that my “friendships” (if I can even call them that anymore) change very often, it always leaves me feeling like I’m not a priority, or that I don’t matter to them as much as they matter to me.

I just want a lasting relation with someone where I feel like I’m as important to them as they are to me, and I need help with dealing with my tendency to get overly attached.

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The Houston HeartSupport team replied to your post here https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ADoZVJu1VX9v6bQ7JH8JpDiB5Bsbn4jf/view?usp=sharing, Hold Fast friend.

-Morgan

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If I could’ve explained my situation, it would’ve been exactly as you typed yours. In my experience, learning to just cry and to really let your emotions get out helps. I understand what you said about relations not lasting past two years, i usually have friends for a year or so and then it’s like they don’t care anymore which makes me feel like I did something. I hope you can find someone that values you as much as you do other people. And continue to value people because that will help you find that person.

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@Sid127
I’m wondering if you have talked to a professional about these concerns of yours? A therapist may be able to give you techniques to help you in social situations that will allow you to interact with people in a more proportional way. Not getting too close too soon. There are many different therapies, so it may be an idea for you to check out various therapies to see what may be an option for you.
Generally, I think as a society we all suffer from a lack of connection with each other, but we all have to work to change that, and that begins with ourselves. Isolation is NOT the solution, but it may be that talking through your fears and concerns with someone who can guide you in relationship building would be a safe place to get perspective on your social skills. We tend to think it’s us, but relationships take at least two. Peace.

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I’ve been talking to the school counselor about it, and while it hasn’t been very helpful, it is definitely something. Approaching a therapist is a difficult thing to do given how un-supportive my parents are and how dependent I am on them, at least for the next year or so.
I have been talking these out with current friends as well, and very few have been supportive, though I’m not complaining. And you’re right, isolation is not the solution and never will be. Thank you for that reminder. :heart: :sparkles:

Got time to watch this only today, thank you for this :heart: :sparkles:

And yeah, I agree. People display affection in different ways and I may not be receptive of that and may be looking for only a certain way. Who knows, I already may have found those few that do last, or maybe they’re already there but I just can’t see it yet. I do know what I’m looking for, and I also know why - acceptance and affection that I feel I missed out on due to a slightly troubled childhood. Boundaries are important too, I get that, and I have been putting it into practice for a while, though it might help to talk to my counselor about it once again.

Self-acceptance is honestly something I haven’t really considered yet, and it’s a great point. Definitely something I could work on. Would also help to try and change my perspective to focus more on those who do stick around instead of the ones who don’t.

Thank you all so much, I really appreciate you guys taking the time to respond. :heart: :sparkles:

Cheers,
Sid

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