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Automatically hated

I have a hard time being out in public. I have a view that everyone I come across hates me, even if I don’t know them. When I meet people there’s an automatic switch in my brain that assumes they don’t like me or I’m afraid to be my true self because they wont like me. People have told me I’m kind but I don’t believe them.
It gets so bad that I believe that even the person always driving behind me hates me or the person next to me in the grocery store hates me. Being amongst people gives me so much anxiety, I don’t know how to function. I’m a people pleaser so I try to keep other people happy to calm this feeling that they hate me. How do I stop this feeling?

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Oh, darlin’! People aren’t paying that much attention to you! Do you go around looking at people and forming opinions about them without speaking to them? They aren’t either. :wink:

We humans tend to be very self-involved. We spend most of our time worried about what other people think of us, not what we think of other people. The people around you don’t hate you… For the most part they probably don’t even notice you - not because you aren’t worthy of notice, but simply because they’re too wrapped up in their own heads.

It sounds like you are struggling with feelings of worthlessness about yourself. And honestly, the only person’s opinion about you that matters is YOU. When you start to worry about what others might be thinking about you, pause. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself that they probably are NOT thinking anything bad about you, then think of something YOU like about YOURSELF. This will be hard to start with…

Practice at home, alone. Write yourself a love letter. Dismiss any mean or unkind thoughts about yourself, and focus on the positive. It will probably be small things at first… “I like my haircut.” Or “I wear cool clothes.” Or “I have the best taste in music.” NOTHING is too small to love about yourself. Don’t let self doubt derail you. The more little things you find to love about yourself, the easier it will get, and the more you’ll notice wonderful things about yourself… Some day you may even be able to accept that you are, indeed, kind. Those people who tell you that are not lying. They have no reason to lie. You’re just afraid to to believe them. Dare to believe. :heart:

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