Ok SO. Sorry for posting so much on here. Lol it just really helps me to get my thoughts out there so I feel less crazy. But for those who have read my posts : I have a really severe fear of death. I think about it every single day. I also am about to get my license! While this has been something ive wanted for such a long time and such a happy thing for me it is also horribly scary. My fear of death causes me to fear my health failing me. Then when nothing is wrong there… what else could suddenly kill me?? A CAR ACCIDENT! Whenever I drive I can always envision someone from the opposite side of the road swerving in my lane head on and killing me. I always envision something horrible happening. (Lol I always get lots of prayer time in, in the car.) but is this normal to be so so afraid of driving ? I try to be really cautious & careful. I just am petrified of dying young on so many levels
I’m so scared of car accidents that I don’t even want my sister to learn how to drive…
I’m just scared too. I don’t know if it’s normal or not.
It was pretty scary to me, starting off. My body would ache from being so tense, even after a short drive. Who’d have guessed that I would end up being a Detroit cabdriver, truck driver and ambulance driver?
When I was 18, I developed endocarditis (heart valve damage), which led to frequent arrhythmias, even after receiving treatment. I also had chronic anxiety, and felt as though I could die at any moment. I continued with this misery until one night, I woke up with my heart pounding so hard, it seemed to be slamming against my ribs, and I could hear it echoing off the walls.
In that moment, my fear became rage, and I cussed God out. I demanded that He end my life immediately. I flopped back into bed, waiting for my life to end, as I simply had enough of the misery and fear.
As the sun came up, I felt different. I felt physically weak and shaky, but there was no longer any anxiety. There was a time in my life, when I and all of my classmates were informed that an atomic bomb could fall on us at any time. It wasn’t very long, before our thoughts became like “okay, I might die, but I think I’ll go for a bike ride.” Similarly, after that terrible night, I decided that I needed to shower, go to work, then come home and relax. In other words, get on with my life. Sometime later, I came to the realization that the potential for death, helps a person appreciate being alive, and many moments of life provide reasons to celebrate.
Death became an ever present friend, that I could look to and say “thank you for giving me this moment.” Eventually, I spent several years as a hospice nurse, and was able to witness many people passing. Anyway, I haven’t felt any apprehension about death in a long time.
With all that said, as a new driver, it’s not really a bad thing to engage the hypervigilance that comes with fear, at least until you’ve gained enough experience, to intuitively anticipate all the possible hazardous situations that might occur.
Take care, Wings
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