Bad feelings- guilt

hellooooooooooo
i feel fucking awful.

TW sex/ porn :frowning:

i watched porn for the first time and i feel so awful and ashamed. i didnt even want to i j wanted to be distracted from the awful feelings i already had. someone pls j tell me im not terrible. thank you.
I don’t know how to not feel ashamed, I don’t know if I should feel ashamed. I hate porn and the effects of it and everything about it, but i watched it and i just hate that. i feel gross and ashamed and i dont want to do it again. could I maybe just feel bad because I grew up religious? I don’t know I kind of just need to talk to someone. Thanks
i didnt know where else to go to talk about this i appreciate this website a lot. thank u all. :heart:much love

7 Likes

Hey, thanks for sharing. I’m really sorry that you’re struggling with how you’re feeling internally.
Everybody at some stage gets curious about sexual content, whether it’s porn, music, self pleasure ect.
It’s going to be something people naturally want to find out about. The curiosity of sex and having sexual feelings is not a bad thing.
Sometimes there’s a conflict about porn, but I don’t feel the depictions of nudity and consensual sex are in themselves bad things, the things that can be found to be more confronting are the exploitation and abuse some actors have experienced and perhaps how this triggers sexual behaviours in the viewer.
It’s such a very un real world where the sexual dominator gets what they want and when they want it, it can start to feel unnerving and unnatural.

So maybe those are some thoughts to think about as to how you feel towards porn or sexual images or even nudity.

I personally don’t mind if people like it, but I think it’s important for people to be educated and safe when it comes to sex and sexualising others.

Guilt around it can very well be from what we are taught when we are young, and it can also be from using it as a coping mechanism. Just as when people turn to alcohol or smoking ect, if we start to use a filler to attempt to make ourselves either forget a problem or to try to feel an instant relief or gratification, we find it leaves us feeling ashamed and not as whole. Not because we are bad/terrible people, but because we haven’t addressed the issue correctly nor done so in a healthy way.

Definitely not saying this is what’s going on for you, but there are reasons people burden themselves with guilt.

At the end of the day, you are not a bad person. You don’t have to feel guilt, but if it helps to talk about it, then please do!

3 Likes

First off, I want to say you’re not a terrible person. Like @ManekiNeko said, it’s normal to be curious. It’s also normal to want to try new things to distract you from your pain.

I have a different perspective. I’m doing a porn addiction recovery program right now. I started off viewing it occasionally out of curiosity, then over a number of years started using it to fill my loneliness and sexual frustration. I figured once I got married I wouldn’t need porn in my life anymore, but it had become such a comfortable part of my life that I couldn’t stop. The thing with it becoming a comfortable part of my life, though, was I didn’t think it was a problem and didn’t feel guilty about it. Then one day I took it a step farther by asking an old coworker for a nude photo, and I felt the punch of guilt you described. I knew I never wanted to feel that way again. I also knew that I had crossed a line I couldn’t return from, that I had turned a wild fantasy into a reality, and that I would do it again if I didn’t get help. I knew if that happened, eventually I wouldn’t feel the punch of guilt. Eventually it would feel normal. I knew I could not let that happen, so I started seeking help.

I’m not trying to scare you. I’m not saying you’ll go on to do something like that, or that you’ll wind up addicted to porn after doing this. What I am saying is you have a choice in what to do with your guilty feelings right now. You can let time pass, let the guilt fade, and move on with your life. If you do that, maybe you’ll remember how guilty you felt and not view porn again, or maybe you will, knowing what you’re about to see and how it’ll make you feel. Armed with that expectation, you will quickly stop feeling guilty about it. Or you could talk to a counselor or trusted mentor about it, and go into how you feel and what your concerns are. This is intensely uncomfortable, I know that for a fact, but someone like that may be able to help you process your feelings and pivot to other coping mechanisms.

The majority of people watch porn at least on occasion, so no one will think you’re disgusting for it. I think anyone worthwhile would think you’re brave and strong for trying to come clean about it. I know I really admire you just for posting about it here! Porn is a personal, private ordeal, something that’s both widely accepted and easy to keep secret, which makes it an appealing coping mechanism and also lends itself to fitting into a lifestyle. Most people don’t think twice about their porn habits. The fact that you are coming clean about it here, when you could just as easily keep it a secret, shows a lot of character and fortitude.

I am not a bad, disgusting person, even with as much of a hold as porn has on my life, so I can say with authority that you are not a bad, disgusting person. Porn is a taboo thing that drives people into secrecy and can make them feel alone and disgusting. Now pull “taboo” out of that statement, and porn is just a “thing.” It doesn’t define you. I’m proud of you for reaching out here. Don’t hesitate to do it again.

3 Likes

From: twixremix

hi notdead,

thank you for being here and sharing what you’re going through and feeling. i want to echo everything the wonderful bimini shared above as well as provide guidance if having porn in your life brings more harm than good. you can block sites or attach a parental filter onto your devices to add an extra layer of checkpoints to ensure you’re okay with proceeding. while porn can be used as an addiction or twisting perceptions of healthy relationships, seeking out those kind of things is natural. you’re human. you’re okay. just keep checking in with yourself and know that you have the whole heartsupport community supporting you.

love,
twix

1 Like

From: Who.is

thank you for sharing, im sure it wasn’t easy for you as you’ve voiced that you’re having these feelings of guilt. As others have stated it’s natural to have curiosity about things and once we decide whether or not we like those things, we can decide whether or not we want to participate in them.
not to minimise how you are feeling in anyway, but this guilt you’re holding feels like it’s maybe something you’re being too harsh with yourself. You are not in any way a bad person. Don’t let this guilt eat away at you, you’ve been so open and brave sharing and I hope that reading what everyone is saying gives you a bit of relief

2 Likes

From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Friend, Thank you for posting and being vulnerable. You know, I think you are ok. You tried it and decided this isn’t something you want to continue doing. I’m not sure what kind of belief system you grew up in, but hopefully this is something that you can put behind you and give yourself compassion. You are loved ~Mystrose

3 Likes

From: Mamadien

I’m going to start by saying you are not terrible. I think most all of us at one time or another have this desire to see what porn really is about. So you looked and decided it isn’t for you. You don’t have to go back and look again. If you’re having trouble with still being able to see what you viewed - know that this will lessen over time. And if those images come back into your mind, find something else to look read or listen to as a distraction. Remembering something is not shameful. Give yourself grace in this. You now definitely know that this sort of thing is not for you.

2 Likes

From: eloquentpetrichor

Hey, notdead! I don’t think you are an awful person at all for this or so feel badly even if you had enjoyed watching it. Please run a virus scan on your computer just in case you ended up on a risky site. That’s my main concern.

I want to echo Bimini’s sentiments that everyone gets curious about things they don’t know much about and explore and learning about those things is never a bad thing nor should it be something that should cause you to feel like a bad person. Curiosity is one of the most human things in the world.

If you looked it up because you are curious about sexual things and you don’t know where else to look besides porn related searches (which I admit sounds like the most obvious way to learn about it from a novice standpoint) then I will share something with you I recently learned from my roommate. There is a feature on Google called “Safe Search” that allows you to look up actual information about riskier topics such as ones of a sexual nature without the risk of getting porn related results. So if you are still curious about these topics and do not feel comfortable asking other people then I suggest searching for your answers using this feature. And also “Incognito Mode” if you do not want others to be able to see what you look up if you share the device.

I myself enjoy researching topics of a more delicate nature that I know nothing about but fear the searches will bring up porn so sometimes I just don’t and safe search is really useful in those instances. Please be kind to yourself and your curiosity and allow it to flourish. You are a good person. And thank you for being so open with us about this delicate topic. :hrtlegolove:

3 Likes

Hi notdead,
thank you for sharing, reaching out to us.
there is nothing you should feel awful for, feel ashamed. there are more people out there that watch it, more
that would admit watching it. you can avoid seeing it with filters, warnings and etc.
there are many opinions on it, so many different views.
its not a topic you usually talk about, its nothing the most people like to talk about. in this age its more present
then ever i would say. at younger ages you do it because of exploring, then out of comfort and release.
you talk about it, that is strong. have the most people, not only here watched it at least once ? probably yes.
have i watched it ? sure. would someone admit watching it ? probably, or not.
if someone watches it frequently like MetalHead said, it makes you feel comfortable with your desires.
it can be a dangerous way to look on sexuality if you take it too seriously.
it is very brave to bring up a topic like this, thank you for that. be proud of yourself being aware of that all.
you are not a bad person at all. you matter my friend and you did great with reaching out. you are loved and
feel hugged :purple_heart:

thank you very much this helped a lot :,)

1 Like