Although I have posted a lot of my struggles here- and few of my successes, overall I am beginning to feel alive again.
I feel like for four years I was just depressed, anxious, and at times wishing to just disappear. Then I found Heart Support- and things got really good; I was genuinely happy, I was finding friends from this community- even though those relationships were not strong yet, they still helped a lot and meant a lot. I just felt my purpose come forth and it felt so freaking great to feel alive.
Off and on I had ups and downs- as we all do- but sometimes, I would just hit rock bottom again- where nothing seemed to go right, I was drowning in self hatred and loneliness and I continued to isolate; school also took a toll on me this year due to it being senior year- but still, I graduated.
A few weeks before graduation I was at a point where I didn’t think I was going to make it. I was at the lowest point I was at in a long time- but I made it, I’m still alive.
And yes- it is a big thing to graduate high school, but after that I was burnt out, I was drowning, I was lost. So much was going on that I was drained from social interaction and I was just always so freaking tired. I recently messed up my sleep schedule- like really bad- but I think I am getting a hold on that. It was like, go to sleep at 2am and wake up at 10:30am- but don’t get out of bed until 11:30am- and by that time I just thought man what’s even the point of getting out of bead since a chunk of the day is gone. So I’d laze around- being depressed and anxious and just feeling lost.
But now- to skip ahead… ok well just like a week ahead but yeah- I feel good. I feel like I did when I first found Heart Support.
I am making this thing called a positivity journal and I put stuff that I know works in certain situations- I think you can add pictures so I might do that because it would be a lot easier than trying to explain.
Through that period of time I have grown so close to so many people.
Even though I was going through a dark time- a lot of good happened:
I got to meet one of my sisters after 10 years.
I got to see her graduate and she got to see me graduate.
I realized it was OK to reach out to people- and a lot of people are there for me. A lot of people care.
I got back into art, and music, and things I love.
I’ve grown closer to my sister than we ever were.
I know that there are still going to be a lot of bad days- we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good if we didn’t have them- but now I’m just glad to say that I feel good. I feel like I have the resources I need to get through this and the hope I need to keep going on.
I appreciate this community so much that I cannot even put it into words. If I could hug every single one of you I would- even though I am an awkward hugger.
I love you all. Heart Support means the world to me. I’m glad to be alive, I’m glad to actually feel alive again.
Hold fast.
With love,
Lyss (your old pal Blurryface 
)
PS: My apologies for the essay, but thank you for reading.
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