Becoming sober

It’s official, today is the day I’m officially becoming sober. I’ve tried many times in the past but I eventually fall back in the same habits. Ever since I was in high school I was dealing with depression and anxiety for around 4 years. I had an unhealthy way to cope by vaping. When I graduated last year, it only got worse. I was drink a lot and smoking a lot of weed. That later got worse when I went to college and by then I wasn’t happy with myself yet I still had good in my life. I went to a college I thought was good for me, I had people I thought were my friends, and I started dating my girlfriend who I’m still with for over a year now. I was happy but the drugs were taking over my body. Eventually, it became worse and I became more angry and violent because the college I use to go to was a bad environment and I had to fight people for the dumbest reasons

Eventually, my parents wanted me to transferred back home, which I did because I almost would’ve been worse if I was still at that college. Yes it was difficult because of the party life not being in my hometown (which I got over with) but what was even more worse because I was disconnecting myself from my family and my girlfriend. After a few months of adjusting, everything has gotten better. I’m 19, my family understands my mental health a lot more and my girlfriend moved in with me which I couldn’t be thankful enough, but the hard thing is my addiction.

I tried becoming sober many times these past couple of months yet I fall back into these habits when I don’t want to. Now I’m officially planning to become sober but I’m scared that I’m going cope with the alcohol, weed, and nicotine again. It’s difficult for me to quit but I need to fight the urge to not do any of the stuff that controls me. Especially for me, because I’m 19 and most people my age abuse a lot of the shit I do. But at the end of the day, I’m glad I’m becoming sober at 19. I don’t want to fall into a void like my old friends in high school and college are, but to better my future and become happy again without hiding myself with unhealthy habits. It will not only better my mental health, it will also make me become a better boyfriend, son, brother, but mostly importantly to become a better person.

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TDP, I value and applaud your decision! At the same time, I want to acknowledge the pain that you were dealing with and that lies underneath your addictions.

I have an acquaintance who has the double whammy of bipolar and addictions. She said, “Why should I struggle to get sober only to be faced with the agony of bipolar?” I am a straight bipolar without any addiction issues, and I have no illusions about facing mental illness cold sober. I have compassion for her, but at the same time I want to say that dealing with the root problem is the only way to sustained happiness. And ultimately it’s not about just stopping substance abuse, it’s really about having a stable life that brings you fulfillment and meaning.

I’m happy for you that you your life is really getting better! That’s huge because now you have something important worth fighting for. Keep your eyes absolutely fixed on that good life. Starting today, look at that good life a hundred times for every time you look back on what you don’t want.

I realize this is totally different, but I had a real tough time forgiving my mother. I would forgive her for about a day, and then get really mad and stop forgiving. It was like “I forgive you,” “No, I don’t” and I beat myself up and felt like a failure every time I stopped forgiving. Then God, or my Higher Power, however you think of it, said gently to me, “When you go to the gym and do bicep curls, do you do one set and then you’ve got the muscles you want?” Uh, no, of course not. Then my focus totally shifted. This constant back and forth wasn’t a failure, it was building forgiveness into my body and soul. It wasn’t that I was forgiving a certain person - I was becoming a forgiving PERSON. And as soon as I didn’t define falling back as a failure, it sort of drained all the drama out of falling back. Falling back was just an opportunity to assert the kind of person I wanted to be, and of course the forgiveness came easier.

So, my friend, all your attempts to become sober these last months are shining proof that you are becoming a sober person. They have led you to this place of final commitment to sobriety! The whole process of many years has led you to affirm that you want sobriety over and over and over again. You get knocked down. You get up again. Over and over you have chose to get up until you are stronger now and more committed to your sobriety than ever. I bless you with confidence that a life of sound, sober mind in a sound, fit body is not only what you want, but what you will have and enjoy the rest of your life. As they say, keep your eyes on the prize!

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Welcome to Heart Support! Congratulations on making such a wise and courageous decision! Fortunately, you can find support that will help you break away from those negative habits. Addiction counseling may help. A support group where you can talk to others who have successfully found their freedom is a good idea.

It’s true, you will become a better person, and you already are a better person. If you have a hard time succeeding, you are still a better person.

What will you do as an alternative to your bad habits? For example, when I quit smoking, I started cross-country skiing. In the beginning, the strain on my lungs made it feel as though I was still smoking :slightly_smiling_face: You will find that you can get a lot more done in a day than you are used to accomplishing.

Please stay with us, and let us know how you’re doing.

Hi TDP,
thank you a lot for sharing and Welcome to Heart Support.
you are showing so much strength right now, your will becoming sober and also reaching out with
your worries. this is so strong. be proud of that.
when i quit smoking i tried to do more sport what helped me a lot then. i enjoy walking, working out and
go hiking. when your body is noticing the change, and there will be a huge change in the right, in the
positive way from now on, you will notice that your health will become better.
use that for your hobbies, use it to find new hobbies that you can use as a coping skill.
try to go for a walk now and then, enjoy the fresh air and nature.
also write your progress down. mark your calender everyday from now an, becoming sober.
when you look back at it, you can see your progress better.
i am so proud of you reading this, you will become a better version of yourself, you will enjoy life even more,
you matter my friend. this is so great, feel loved and hugged.
Greetings and keep posting here

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Hey @TDP,

Wow, thank you so much for sharing such a powerful message here. I truly commend you for the strength and determination that you’re putting in this new journey of yours. Sobriety can be a very intimidating word as it’s not just about letting go of something unhealthy for you, but also facing what’s been behind it, maybe for a long time. This is going to be a process in itself made of days when you’ll feel on top of the world, and others when you’ll question your life choices. It’s okay to go through both, and as you are initiating this journey, I want to encourage you, before anything else, to be as kind to yourself as possible throughout all of this. Patience, kindness, understanding – basically learning to become a friend to yourself – is going to serve you a lot in the long run.

Please know that you can rely on this community as much as you need. We are here with you. You’re not alone. There is no pressure, no expectation. Only the possibility to talk, share what’s on your heart at a given time, being heard and supported. I’d love to hear about how things are going for you in times to come.

There are so many beautiful things in your life right now to hold on to. New foundations for you to create and feel more whole. I believe in you. You have my full support. :hrtlegolove:

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