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Been faking things for too long

I feel like lately I keep telling myself I’m fine. That things aren’t that bad. I keep lying to those around me yet get so angry when they don’t see how hard things are. I don’t know how to ask for help. I don’t trust anyone in my life right now. I hate that my emotions are so up and down. One moment I’ll have some hope and want to fight for better days, than there are moments where I am so tired and worn down I don’t know how I’ll keep pushing on. I want freedom so badly but I keep self sabatoging. I keep allowing the darkness and lies to win. I keep turning to destructive things. I feel so lost and so alone. I feel like I’m disappointing people because I can’t be there for them, because I want so badly to be a light and a person that can give hope. I can’t do that when all I can see is darkness. I am scared that if I’m not fine than the only way to get back up is to hit rock bottom. I can’t go through that again. I can’t do that to my husband or family again. I don’t have the strength to get back up, yet I keep choosing the same cycle. I feel like I don’t deserve to get better because I keep letting the negative thoughts win. I keep giving up, I’m not doing enough. I keep messing up.

:love_you_gesture:

You Are Loved My Friend.

Thank You For Sharing Your Thoughts.

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