I’ve been a little on edge in my friendship, at first I was completely comfortable but now I’m starting to worry about things that could possibly go wrong.
I don’t know why cause I guess everything seemed like it was going well.
I guess I’m anticipating or expecting something bad to happen. It’s scary.
It’s been two months without any dramatic fight or something to drag it down.
I’m so used to turmoil and ruptures.
I remember you mentioned in your last post that Summer time is a season full of difficult memories for you, tied to loss of relationships. I would imagine that just being in this time right now could be enough for you mind to start spiraling and fearing something bad to happen again. A little bit like being more on edge, somehow knowing that something bad is going to happen but not knowing when.
I would like to encourage you to work on reminding yourself actively that this year is a new one, and history is not made to repeat itself. Each of your relationship is different as it’s always with people who are absolutely unique.
On a different note, do you think it could help to write down a little bit about these past losses? Sometimes, putting words on our past experiences is a first step to start letting the past where it belongs, and not let it interfere with the quality of our present life.
You are loved, Amaris. You are cared for and you belong. Hold Fast.
You have and will continue to gain experience, wisdom and strength. Perhaps you haven’t noticed, but you’ve already survived a lot, and with each struggle, you’ve become stronger. I get the impression that not feeling strong has been a long term habit for you. So, you’ve dealt with problems, while feeling insecure at the same time. That means you’ve faced double challenges repeatedly, and you’re still here, and still wonderful!
Consider the wise words of Forrest Gump, “Shit happens!” The absolute truth is, shit will happen in your life. Another absolute truth is that you will handle it and survive.
Don’t let worry about survivable shit interfere with present moment opportunities to have and appreciate good experiences. It’s kinda like I enjoy driving around, but if I worry about flat tires and breakdowns constantly, all the enjoyment will be lost. I grew up at a time when cars broke down a lot, so I learned to appreciate the times between the breakdowns.
I believe you’ll handle whatever comes your way. Don’t make have to worry about your worrying!
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