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Behind my smile

Hello, I am a person who can make you smile, can make you laugh, I am usually the entertainer in my workplace.If ever they are bored or sad, I am ready to make you happy. I always smile and gave you a positive vibe. The truth is I’m tired. Those smiles are just my mask. Actually I don’t know what I want. Where to start or If I could start again. I don’t know how I started wearing this smile, because I don’t want them to worry? Saying I am okay even I am not or because I don’t want to see their pity on me that I am a failure.

They always say hope and have faith. As a matter of fact, I don’t know what to look forward for in the future.I am not suicidal, I hate pain, but sometimes I felt that it is okay to have an accident and die.

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Hey @behindmysmile,

Being able to make others smile is a wonderful quality, but also a great challenge! The people you mentionned are lucky to know you and enjoy the positive vibes you spread around you.

But it shouldn’t be a chore for you. It’s awesome when it’s done willingfully. But forcing yourself to smile when you don’t want to can be harmful for you. I can only imagine that it makes you feel isolated, and I really want you to know that you’re not. You are not alone. And I think that, without even being the “entertainer” in a group, we all struggle sometimes with the social masks we have to wear. Still, you have control over the smile you’re wearing. It’s not because it’s somehow part of your personality that it should prevent you to say when you’re not okay.

We’re just all human beings and we can’t be entirely happy everytime. Maybe your friends/family/… would be surprised if you talk to them about how you feel. But maybe they would also be honored for your trust and honesty. I sincerely hope there are people you trust and makes you feel comfortable enough to reach out when needed. Good relationships go beyond the different seasons you may encounter in your life.

You have the right to say that you’re not okay. And I’m glad you were able to do it here. I would prefer to know that you’re feeling good, but not to put some pressure on your shoulders. Only because you matter and I want you to be happy. This community can be here for you to spread some love and support you.

Right now, I don’t see you as a failure at all. I have compassion for you, and it’s way different than pity. I’m not judging you at all. I only wonder what makes you feel this way and how we could try to help you to overcome this. We all need some help from others at different moments in our life. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it makes you stronger than before. And you just did the first step with your message. So if you want to talk about what’s affecting you these days, you’ll always be free to do it here.

Sending much love your way. :heart:

I think that many people go through the exact same thing. It can be easier to put on a smile sometimes than to show people how you are really feeling. However, I think its important to realize that it’s more important to focus on making yourself truly happy than to worry about keeping everyone around you happy. I think that the best way to start is by talking to your friends or family or anyone really. Be honest about how you are feeling. It can feel really good to let your feelings out. You are doing great.

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@behindmysmile
I get what it feels like to be a “people pleaser”…you want eveyone to love you. But try to remember to seek validation from yourself as well.
It’s easy to feel like you need a break without feeling suicidal. Life can be tiring.
I know how hard it can be… But if you ever want to talk we’re all here for you
Sending well wishes friend
-Eyeless

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