Being able to make others smile is a wonderful quality, but also a great challenge! The people you mentionned are lucky to know you and enjoy the positive vibes you spread around you.
But it shouldn’t be a chore for you. It’s awesome when it’s done willingfully. But forcing yourself to smile when you don’t want to can be harmful for you. I can only imagine that it makes you feel isolated, and I really want you to know that you’re not. You are not alone. And I think that, without even being the “entertainer” in a group, we all struggle sometimes with the social masks we have to wear. Still, you have control over the smile you’re wearing. It’s not because it’s somehow part of your personality that it should prevent you to say when you’re not okay.
We’re just all human beings and we can’t be entirely happy everytime. Maybe your friends/family/… would be surprised if you talk to them about how you feel. But maybe they would also be honored for your trust and honesty. I sincerely hope there are people you trust and makes you feel comfortable enough to reach out when needed. Good relationships go beyond the different seasons you may encounter in your life.
You have the right to say that you’re not okay. And I’m glad you were able to do it here. I would prefer to know that you’re feeling good, but not to put some pressure on your shoulders. Only because you matter and I want you to be happy. This community can be here for you to spread some love and support you.
Right now, I don’t see you as a failure at all. I have compassion for you, and it’s way different than pity. I’m not judging you at all. I only wonder what makes you feel this way and how we could try to help you to overcome this. We all need some help from others at different moments in our life. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it makes you stronger than before. And you just did the first step with your message. So if you want to talk about what’s affecting you these days, you’ll always be free to do it here.
Sending much love your way.