Ok. I’m new here, but I will try this and see if it helps.
I don’t really know where to start.
I have been struggling with several different issues since I was 13. I hurt myself a lot back then and I have lots of scars, but I haven’t hurt myself in a while now so I think that’s good.
It’s hard to see those scars everyday, but I have to life with them.
I also think I have some kind of social anxiety, because I am very nervous and afraid every time I have to talk to someone. I also think I might have depression, because I feel empty when I’m not afraid and I am easily exhausted and tired.
I have been to a therapist a few times for my social anxiety but he couldn’t help me and said I needed to take antidepressants. I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t help me and I still don’t understand. Does that mean I am not sick enough? Do i even have a mental illness? I still am afraid. Now I am afraid to reach out, too, because I think noone can or will help me.
In 6 months I will graduate from school and I have to start working or studying. I am very afraid of the future because I think there is no job for me. There’s nothing I am good at.
I often think about reaching out in school, because there are two teachers I could trust, I think, but because of my anxiety I am very afraid to talk to them. I don’t know how to overcome that anxiety. And I don’t know if they could do anything for me.
My family does not know about my struggles. I have been hiding it since the beginning.
I feel stuck and helpless at the moment.
I also drink too much and I know that’s bad, but it helps me feeling better.
I think I need someone to talk to, but I can’t find the courage to open up to my teachers. I am very afraid of their reaction and that it might change how they see me.
I am also very afraid of judgement, so that’s another problem.
I am thinking about wearing shorter sleeves in school and how that would start a conversation but doing that would require courage I don’t have.
I don’t really know what I expect of writing this, but maybe someone has an advice for me.
Seeing scars can be triggering yet feeling the unseen scars is even worse. I hope you’ve overcome all your past issues.
Yes, on the latter half those are some of the symptoms of depression. There is a good chance that you got it. As for the earlier part. More than likely you just fear of being rejected or unaccepted. I am not sure since you don’t explain whether this nervousness mutes you or if it leads to any panicking or the like.
Not every therapist is qualified to diagnose or give medication. Some therapists are just people there to help you focus on yourself, manage your illness & guide you on your options towards a goal.
Maybe you’ll find an opportunity or create one. Either way, both methods require you to seek for one.
I suggest finding professional help (most likely a med doctor & psychologist).
We all do at times. Be wary you don’t want to abuse drinking.
Whatever you decide. Just know you can always share here in this community. We all can relate to what you’re going through in one way or another.
From someone who had issues reaching out in highschool, I can understand your pain. It’s incredibly hard to reach out when you’re anxious about judgement or you’re unsure of yourself because you’re not ready to open up. Finding those you can invest trust in is such a hard thing to find in this life. Beteen trying to find friends, aquaintences, or any others that you can have that sort of faith in is a hardship in itself. However, from personal experience I found that sometimes confiding in someone such as a teacher (or in my experience the principal) can be a fantastic help in terms of getting the advice that you need with the understanding that you’re looking for. Reaching out to standard therapists for help can be taxing because you’re attempting to reach for help from someone who’s supposed to be helping you but depending on the therpaist they only offer you “standard” pieces of advice to move forward and heal.
I highly advise just starting a converstation with one of your teachers you have trust in. You don’t necessarily have to talk about what’s eating you but sometimes it’s just nice to talk with someone who understands you. Or even to have a relaxing conversation with something other than the demons you fight on a regular.
I hope you find exactly what you’re looking for. If you still need a place to confide, don’t heistate to come back and tell us about your progress.