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being clear is hell

i stopped smoking pot for like 9 months because its illegal here and i have a case, and my depression was never this deep before. there are barely hours when i dont think about death, and making my mind busy to distract my thoughts is so tiring…

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Hey @kirat! I’m sorry to hear you aren’t feeling too great. Have you considered seeing a counselor about learning how to beat your depression with healthy new cognitive habits? I would 100% recommend this, if it’s in the realm of possibilities for you. :slight_smile:

Congratulations on your sobriety! 9 months is a big accomplishment, especially when you’re so depressed and you know that pot is the fastest way to make those feelings go away.

Smoking pot was just a band-aid though. It didn’t fix your problems, it just masked them. Everyone in this forum struggles with depression and anxiety, and a lot of us understand the relief that pot smoking can bring, but it’s important to address your depression directly instead of trying to distract yourself from it. Have you considered counseling? Narcotics Anonymous is also a good, safe outlet to meet people who have struggled like you, and are actively working toward purging their souls of all the toxicity that makes them feel so bad.

Hey Kirat,
I am really proud of you for trying to take the higher road on this. Leaving a form of self medication that seemed to work is a really hard feat to accomplish. I agree with the others on this post-- counseling can be a great way to heal instead of just avoid the issue. Your depression is manageable. The more you address it through meditation, healthy lifestyle choices, and getting help you will be able to get more control over the depression.
Just know that you are strong and are loved here at HeartSupport. Stay strong!!

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Counseling seems useless to me, to be honest. Like they’d give me advices what wouldnt work anyways because my mind is so broken, the world is fcked up and whatsoever, i’d end up in hard medication -or even shock therapy lol- and it would take years to get better, and there are risks of many side effects with chemicals what im not willing to take…so i’d be just fine with smoking and masking…but since its a crime here and im under investigation and my job sucks, i cant and shouldnt get my nature med…
As a fellow metalhead you may get it how depression with no pot just killed my guitar playing, i cant even create a song and its just worsens everything…

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