This is a really really weird struggle of mine and it, for some reason, really screws with me.
I have a very difficult time coping with the fact that I am made from organs, muscles, and just really gross stuff. It’s began to make me paranoid. I now notice when I eat or drink things and feel it go into my stomach, and I hate it. I feel my heart beat, and I’m disturbed. When I imagine the fact that I have a brain with all these really nasty vessels connected to it I just UGH IT’S SO GROSS AND DISTURBING!
I don’t know how to make this feeling go away but I want it to stop because it’s making me extremely uncomfortable when I’m doing really anything
It’s so hard when a thought gets stuck in your head, and you just can’t get it out – it’s like you stick on the thought, then you think about the thing, then it makes you feel worse, which keeps you stuck, and it can really suck you into this nauseating trap.
Especially when…you’re literally stuck with yourself…literally all of the time…so anything can set you off, and you can’t escape it.
It is so hard dealing with these compulsive thought patterns. You just can’t think of anything else. Could you take on a perspective of being curious about these thoughts and try to find out where they come from? Is there a concern behind it, a lack of trust that the organs are functioning the way they are? Maybe either writing the thoughts down when they come up and looking at them? I’ve also heard that some people think of a huge, red stop sign to break the thought spirals.
Even though it is possible to learn how organs and the body in general function, perhaps also to rationalize it and make it appear less gross and disturbing, it is still hard for me to grasp why they function and I’d also not really be interested in having a look what’s going on inside me. However, for me, there is kind of a mind-blowing component to it that I’d like to share with you. One thought that crosses my mind regularly concerns the stories that all the atoms our bodies are made of could tell us. Since mass is conserved, these atoms have been around for quite a while. Just imagine if some of these were part of a dinosaur once. Don’t know about the life cycles of these atoms and whether this was realistic at all, but they for sure came across many things, isn’t that crazy?
“The hydrogen atoms in you were produced in the big bang, and the carbon, nitrogen and oxygen atoms were made in burning stars. The very heavy elements in you were made in exploding stars.” (source)
The Washington Post also had an article reflecting on where those atoms could have been before they arrived in your body: “It’s certain that your carbon saw the interior of a star, survived a supernova, sailed through the solar system and splashed down on Earth long before arriving at you. Breathe in and marvel at that fact.”
Just to provide an alternative perspective on this. I hope you’ll soon find a way to cope with the thoughts so that they don’t bother you as much anymore.
I understand intrusive thoughts are uncomfortable. I have my own share. One tip that cold help you is whenever you get irked out you could try thinking of it as something positive. Maybe “hey here’s my body and it does so much to get me through the day, good job” Thinking that it’s something good and maybe even cool could help you.
Another way is that if you have a healthy outlet that brings you peace towards your sense of self then that could ease the tension in your mind.
