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Being mean to everyone

i think i’ve been unconsciously rude to everyone i’ve been speaking to for awhile now. i keep getting angry with my one friend and even lashed out at him yesterday and got upset today as well. i feel terrible because he doesn’t deserve any of that and i’m only making his life worse. i want to apologise but i feel like apologising is selfish. same to my other friend. he and i have a mutual “hate” friendship but it’s nothing serious, just joking around. i’ve even been trying to be nicer but it just seems to do the opposite. why is that? my other friend says i’m not mean to her but we also mainly communicate via voice messages so it’s easier to read somebody’s tone through there. is it just how i text? everyone i talk to says i’m rude. even my sister said i was and i didn’t think i say anything rude to her. what’s wrong with me? why am i acting this way? i considered that it might’ve been because i was taking birth control but idk. i started taking it a few months ago and i have noticed changes in my mood. maybe that could be why i cry so much easier now too? damn pill has so many symptoms that i don’t even know… i just want to go back to normal. i don’t want to be rude to anybody unless i choose to be. i don’t want to drive away the people i care about. i just want somebody to tell me what’s wrong with me

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On the contrary, it’s evidence of being willing to be selfless.

Your body might adjust to the pill, so the mood symptoms may diminish. Also, there are a few different kinds of birth control pills, and a different one may have fewer side effects. You might want to talk to your doctor about a Depo-Provera shot. It used to be a monthly shot, but now it’s once every three months.

Moods can affect word choices, even without realizing it. For a while, it might be worth asking “what would be a better way of saying this to you?”

If you actually were mean, you would be indifferent to other people’s feelings, and you would not be reaching out to us for help.

I don’t think anyone will tell you what’s wrong with you, but I don’t believe there is anything wrong with you, beyond going through changes in body chemistry. Crying is cathartic, and very possibly helping you cope. Sometimes, the pill in combination with something else that you consume, might be the problem.

Another possibility is that something is bothering you at a subconscious level. That’s the case, it may take some introspection, or the help of a counselor, to figure out what it is.

I have seen your previous posts. You are absolutely not a mean person.

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I think my only two options are the pill and a sticker thingy on my arm. I don’t take it for actual birth control, just the estrogen because i have pcos.

i apologize to him a lot though so i fear i might just be annoying him. i’ll give him a general apology before i go to bed i guess.

lol there’s a lot of things bothering me but i can’t solve any of them. if i could, i would. if i tried, i’d just be causing trouble for the people around me. i don’t want to do that anymore…

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Just curious why you think getting help for yourself would cause trouble for the people around you. What would happen?

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It’s not causing trouble. It’s causing purpose. Humans overcome obstacles, find meaning, and fulfillment, by helping each other out.

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if you’re ever in doubt, you can feel free to dm me a text and we can run through how it sounds to someone else, and how you intended it to sound.

When we write, there is always a chance that things can get misinterpreted. So it’s better to always take a moment, and look at the words the way they look, without knowing the feelings behind them.

I know for me, i’m guilty of this too. i type in my local dialect to close people, and if there’s something that is extra funny to me, it could actually look pretty insulting in black and white text.

the most mildest example i can think of, is wishing someone a happy birthday. In face to face convo, I might say “Happy Fall off the Tree day!” and from my voice they know that the phrase is fun loving and while weird, means nothing insulting. If I text this, it looks RATHER WEIRD!! So i don’t wish people like this over text anymore, lol.

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Hey @echo,

There might be a combination of reasons there, but you, as a person, are not the reason as in something would be wrong with you. If you haven’t been intentionally rude to others, then it might also be a perception on their end - misunderstandings can happen very quickly through text messages, as the tone we convey is generally more difficult to express.

I want to point out the fact that you also have a lot of stressors happening in your life lately, especially family wise. There are reasons to be upset, tense or on-edge, whether it is something you control or not. Same with birth control - it can definitely affect our mood. Some that I took in the past made me very short tempered and/or overly sensitive. It was a real pain until I realized that hormonal type of contraception would mess me up, too much for me to be able to take them in the long run. It is important to talk to your doctor about it and see your options there too. Hormones are a huge part of what our mood is made of on a daily basis. It’s something to not underestimate. A different generation of pill could be an option - doses and hormones are different. There’s also hormonal rings, which can be used in a way to skip your periods as well and have a different effect on your body/mood. Make sure to check in with your doctor and see what is an option for you regarding pcos.

Make sure to communicate your intentions with the people you love, even if it implies to meta-communicate a little bit. Not to justify yourself or over-explain things, but simply to make things clear so there won’t be any misunderstanding.

You are not a bad person for having emotions. Anger and frustration can be scary, but they are part of the range of emotions we are meant to feel. It makes us humans. Not failures or monsters. :hrtlegolove: