Back to heartsupport

Being selfish

As seen in my priviouse post I am dealing with strong depression and I’m trying to be better all then comments helped they really did but I cant stop cutting I do it befor bed and if I can’t do something now I’m not doing homework assignments because I’m playing video games like a idiot but video games are the only thing keeping me sane and a tiny bit of joy what stops me from ending my life even tho I’m really bad at them lol

I don’t know if there’s a career in gaming what I can do probably not but yk

Is it selfish I havnt planned for the future I feel like it is the only reason I havnt is that I know I’m going to kill myself by the end of school and if I don’t i shortly will anyway so what’s the point

Making people worry about me is also a selfish thing I do , i know they can’t help me idk why I’m posting here you people read it but don’t fully understand me And sorry for being selfish to you

I feel selfish for not helping my parents more , I’m 15 and I should be helping out more I’m dumb af for not but the truth is I’m anxious towards even looking at my dad not gonna go into why maybe in the future Idk

I feel selfish for wanting to be in the USA not in the Uk idk why I just do I’m so bored in the Uk and the Us looks so much more Fun and a better place for me to grow up isn’t that selfish I can’t even be grateful for growing up in the uk

I guess that’s All I’m going to bed love you all

7 Likes

You are so loved, you are cared for and you matter. Thank you so much for sharing what has been going on in your life.
You deserve to be free of self harm and free of any pain that you are facing and we love you. I know it is difficult to hear, but you said the comments last time were encouraging. So this is my encouragement to you. You are such a wonderful, unique, and beautiful person.

If you are having any thoughts of self harm, suicide, or other crisis please call a crisis hotline right now. We want you safe and alive. You mean so much and you are so deeply loved. You are so loved

Playing video games can be a great way to relieve stress and also can be a great way to learn a lot of things too. I know that there are schools that use video games as part of their curriculum. Have you asked if there is another medium of education you can use to do your homework (another way to do your homework besides the way you are doing it now such as videos versus reading a book)? When I was in school I could not focus on reading to save my life. I actually failed out of college the first go about because it was so hard to focus on studying. I ended up learning it by making something that interested me and learned the homework that way (which sucked in all senses of the term). Great teachers/professors/schools will have programs to help you succeed by giving you different methods of learning to succeed. Sometimes when you learn it’s not that you that will be wrong, you just learn differently than others and it’s 100% fine to learn differently. As long as you are patient (as you are being so awesomely patient and you are so obviously NOT selfish!), you can and WILL do many positive things you set your mind to

It’s also ok that you have been working through a lot of stuff and found a way to vent, but also I’m wondering do you talk to a therapist or counselor about this? A therapist can be good to talk to. You say you are selfish but I do not see any of that in this post at all. You are sharing the human condition with others so that they too can come and be with you to help heal. There is absolutely zero selfishness in wanting to be healthy. Maybe sharing this with a counselor or therapist could get some good insight into whats going on

There is no negative impact on intelligence when you aren’t doing every last thing at home. Your “smarts” have nothing to do with how clean your bedroom is. The amount of love you deserve (all of the love in the world) isn’t tied to how many times a week you make your bed. It is because you are a loved, cared for, intelligent and deserving person. You are loved.

Wanting to be somewhere other than where you are is a common theme among a number of people (including myself), but should never be under estimated. Some for different reasons than others (some personal, some work, some other reasons. The reason dosen’t matter). One nice thing about right now is that we can all save up to go on those trips to where we might want to live some day. Think of those trips as almost little “trials” for living in the place you’d like to live. It dosen’t need to be immediately planned or immediately done, but you need to know all about the country to live, work and become a legal resident of. So that’s a great and positive way to work towards your goals. Learning about the country you are going to visit is a great thing. And if you want to learn about the USA and potentially live there, there’s absolutely no better beginning resource than the entry on the USA from The World Factbook. If you’d like to learn something very interesting that will get you really excited about unique local and regional traditions in America, check out Amish and Mennonite traditions (which I see every day, and hear the horses every morning). There’s a lot of cool videos and articles about all of these things. Who knows, those monnonite play a mean game of monopoly.

You are always welcome to p;ost here, you are always included, and you are not selfish to post here.
You are amazing, you are worthy of love, you are worthy of care, you are worthy of talking to others about whats going on in your life.
You are loved, you matter, you are amazing, you are cared for, and any other thing positive you can think of, that is what you are

2 Likes