Skip to second paragraph if you dont want to read all the medical stuff: I have a cat named Cosmos. He is only 3. I got him when i moved into my first apartment in a new town where I knew Noone. He was (and still is) my best friend. Flash forward to today and I am married now and Cosmos is even more special to me then he was then. The collective love my husband and I share for him is a very special part of our lives. I don’t want to get into too many details of his being sick because I need a break from trying to figure it all out. But basically he was rapidly losing weight and had a bloated tummy which all seemed to take place overnight. We took him to the vet thinking at most he had a tape worm or something but was probably just constipated. We were told that night he likely had fip and would die any day. It was a punch to the gut for sure. But then the results to test for signs of fip came back that night and were negative. So then he had the better but not good diagnosis of evans syndrome. And then the vet said she was pretty sure she knew what was causing it… a disease carried by fleas and this was best case scenario. It just kept getting better and better and we felt like it was a miracle. But then things started to unravel. We took him in for a cbc and the vet said his numbers had gone down which is not consistent with the flea caused illness. For the second time she said we could put him down but offered another option too. She said we could try a blood transfusion and that there was a chance it could save him. So a few days ago he had his transfusion and a steriod shot. He immediately seemed improved and had a huge appetite. This could just be side effects from the steroids but we were still hopeful nonetheless. But yesterday I started feeling restless about the whole thing and not knowing what was really causing his issue. The blood transfusion seemed like his last option and so I felt like this week was his last shot to live. I decided to take him in for a second opinion to a different vet. This vet told us he thinks he has fip and suggested putting him down. I was seriously considering putting him down but when I saw how happy and playful he was I decided to hold off and take him to his original vet for a cbc to see how the blood transfusion worked. His appointment is tomorrow. The only other option now is an experimental drug that is very expensive.
LONG STORY SHORT I have all these decisions swirling around in my head about the right thing to do. And I’ve been pulled back and forth into having hope he will live to having none at all. Please don’t give and suggestion of whether we should put him down. The last thing we would ever do is let him suffer. The reason I’m writing this post is so that someone can read the story and grasp the emotional turmoil this would cause. I do believe k. God and identify as a Christian but I have a lot of doubts. I struggle with sort of a religious ocd (a story for a different day) surrounded but the fear that God does not exist. Personally all my hope lies in eternity with God. To me life isn’t worth living if I won’t see loved ones after they die. I believe if there will be heaven on earth someday our pets will be there. But ofcourse I have so much fear that maybe life is meaningless and death is final and nothing matters.
If you pray please pray that me and my husband will have wisdom and strength in this situation.
When i think about my baby dying its too painful to even imagine him not being a part of my life. It’s heartbreaking because of how Sudden it was. It’s heartbreaking because of how young he is. I can’t stand the thought of having his fur still on his clothes after he is gone. I can’t stand the idea of throwing away his food that he won’t need anymore. And worst of all I can’t handle when memories of special times with him flood my mind now so I can’t imagine how I’ll feel when he’s gone.
Thank you for reading this. I’m so thankful this platform exists