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“Savage Actual, this is Savage 4-3, requesting follow-on mission…”
The game is easy when the rules are defined: Don’t be late, light, or out of uniform. Pretty straightforward, right? Even the lowliest of privates understand this. Thanks to my leadership,
the mission was always clear.
Following my ETS, the bliss of being a civilian consumed me. I could walk on grass again, sleep
in past 5 am, and grow a patchy beard. Fast forward two months and that thrill had dissolved. I
began anticipating a text from my Sniper Section leader laying out my mission for Monday. I
knew those texts that I had received a million times before, were not coming.
With the silence, my mind began to wander:
What’s the mission now? What career do I pursue? Do I just forget I served in the Army, or do I
let being a veteran consume my identity? Can I now only wear shirts with a flag on the sleeve? Is
it a sign of weakness to claim injuries with the VA? How do I know if this is the woman I’m
supposed to marry? How do I know if I’m making the right decision?
It felt as though I was in the middle of a land navigation course without an azimuth.
Instead of seeking help, I began to fill the void with video games, substances, and sex. Anything
to take my mind off the fact that I no longer had a destination.
I had a million unanswered questions and it felt as though my life began to stagnate. I needed to
find my purpose before I start to rot. It wasn’t until I talked to a friend that I realized I was not
alone.
By surrounding myself with compassionate savages, I was able to gain some fire superiority and step off on the next mission.
Can you relate to feeling lost? You can take the step to open up about your struggles in the comments by tagging @heartsupport and our community will respond with encouragement.
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