First of all, I would like to make it clear that I am not, like many others seem to be, in serious danger. I have heard from Kitboga about Heartsupport and would like to have some opinions on some of the issues I have on my mind. But please tell me if the topics aren’t… important? Enough and would take resources from the people here who REALLY need help urgently.
My first topic is a little easier one to get into writing. However, I still need an assessment of how I should deal with the topic in the future.
12 years ago I met my friend Sebastian (name changed). Sebastian has always been a bit more sturdy and we got along well right away. Sebastian has ADHD. Over time our parents told us a story that he broke my glasses in kindergarten. We both just laughed about it and it was forgotten.
A few days ago I realized that this story was not accurate.
Back to childhood, about 23 years ago. There was also a Sebastian in the neighbourhood. However, he was anything but fat but very skinny. One day I went to the newsstand to get an ice cream. On the way back I see him and a friend approaching me. The next thing I can remember is being lifted up by the collar and hit with my face against the wall of the house.
My nasal bone reaches into the left nostril and blocks it to ¾. Since I did not go to the hospital with my mother afterwards, it was probably not brought back into the right position and has thus grown together in this false position.
I’ve been living with it my whole life but it doesn’t affect my everyday life a whole lot. The only thing that happens is that the exhaled air comes out with more pressure than with the other nostril which you can feel when you hold your hand under it. It’s like partially squeezing a water hose so that the water shoots out more.
A few days ago he asked me why I would breathe as intensely as a bull, summer and winter alike. Then the last piece of the puzzle fitted in and I realized that they would be the same person.
I am very undecided whether I should address it to him or leave it like this. His question clearly indicates that he doesn’t know anything about it. I am afraid that he will deny it and that an argument might arise. How would you approach it and how would you address it?
Well you have several ways to go about this.
Since you’re adult you can talk like adults. And hope for the best.Stew on it. Or go in looking for conflict.
However he may or may not remember. Plus23 years is a long time but validation is a good thing. I would just try to speak with him. Just try to be calm cool and collected when you brooch the subject
Dude that fucking sucks. Not going to lie…it’s brutal to feel like you were literally smashed and it felt like no one even validated your pain…like in not going to the hospital, the subtle message was: you don’t really matter that much…you’re an inconvenience, let’s just go when it’s easier to take you, less burdensome on me. And to feel like you would be burdening this guy or risking your friendship or something to that effect? Man, that moment had a lot more impact than you might have even realized…I mean look at your preface for this post – please only reply to this if it isn’t diverting resources to other people who “actually need it”…dude that fucking sucks…what you wrote here really matters…your nose, that moment, your heart, dude…your heart matters. I’m so sorry that you went through that…and that no one has told you to this point that it mattered. Your pain, your story, your heart…you matter, friend.
Yes, talk to this person. Absolutely. He needs to know that it hurt you, to your core. IT wasn’t just about the nose, though that was a fucking bitch. What he did hurt your perception of yourself, your identity, your belief in your own worth. He doesn’t have to respond perfectly or even acknowledge or own it or anything. It’s mostly important that YOU take time to validate YOURSELF. By speaking the pain that it caused you, YOU are telling yourself: the pain mattered. And that is the core truth you need to speak to yourself. So yes, please, work up the courage to confront him. Tell him in the fullness the damage that it caused. Don’t shirk back from the truth. Make a list of the ways that it damaged you, and bring it to him. Again, not that you’er expecting anything from him, he isn’t going to fix you and likely isn’t going to respond in a way that would change anything for you. But YOU taking the initiative to say – hey this mattered, I matter. That’s something worth fighting for.
Thank you for your answer. To address your points:
Well the main reason we weren’t going to the hospital was that my mother didnt have a drivers license and also those were different times. It basically looked like nosebleeding and if it stopped bleeding that was it.
I mean it was brutal indeed. But that was quarter a decade ago and it didn’t matter to me personally after like 2 years after it happened anymore. By that preface I wanted to express that many people I read about here are unstable and wanting to take their life. I am feeling well besides some things that are on my mind who have a minor impact on me (really). So other people might need more attention than me that was all I ried to say. Not like I feel worthless or anything.
I have a good selection of great friends overall and I am having a job where I need to work for like 2h a day actively and the rest of teh day is just straight up leisure time while earning a lot.
I basically just wanted to know if I should inform him. And how I should bring it up. But thank you for caring! I plan to post the other few things as well in the next few days.
Sounds good! I hope you found the info you were looking for between my post and Yepitstuesday. If not, you could try sussing out the options again, and I could try to focus more intently on that specific purpose.
Either way, thanks again for sharing!