Betrayal - I lost hope

I lost myself I lost hope I do not want to live anymore but I do not want to kill myself. I fake a smile , most people think I am a hsppy person. I do not want to be a burden to anybody but sometimes the pain is too much to handle…

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remember, and I don’t know If this helps at all, but remember that this too shall pass. Whatever you’re feeling right now, whatever you have felt building up, and whatever you have lost shall pass. I know that everyone always says this, but things really do get better. right now the world is scary and it really sucks, but it will get better. you are NEVER a burden to anyone else, and your emotions are ALWAYS valid. try to do things that make YOU happy–whether that’s making little changes in your everyday life to interrupt the monotony of daily life, or doing small things that truly make you feel the best. get outside a bit, go for a walk, or just breathe in nature. try to appreciate the little things, and sometimes it helps to say to yourself “this makes me happy.” whatever it may be. remember that you are unbelievably strong, and you WILL get through it, I promise you. sending you the most love and hugs xx

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Her’s a hug for you, I hope it maes you feel a little bt better.

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You’re never a burden to anyone else. Times are tough right now, and it’s easy to lose hope in yourself and in the world around you. Try to hold on to the little things. It doesn’t have to be anything big - but if you can find one thing worth holding on for, soon you’ll start finding other things worth holding on for.

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Hey @Trixia,

It takes a lot of strength to say “I’m not okay”, especially when it feels you’ve lost hope. It sounds that life has been very heavy for you lately and I’m so sorry you feel stuck in this position, this kind of nothingness where the pain seems unbearable. It’s so hard to be alive yet to feel like you’re not embracing this life at its full potential, to feel like you have a to fake your emotions, to put a smile on your face while your heart is in pain and begs to be seen.

We see you right now, friend. We hear you as you are, and not as this world wants you to be. And I want you to know that it’s okay to struggle, it’s okay to feel tired and it’s more than okay to say it. You’re not at fault for going through a rough time, and if you don’t really have a place “irl” where you can be yourself, know that you can always share your heart as it is here. There is no expectation, no judgment, no pressure. Only a collective willigness to support you during this difficult time.

Would you like to share a little bit about the reasons that make you feel like you’ve lost yourself? What’s weighing on your heart these days? You have a group of friends right here who are willing to help you navigate those emotions and encourage you. You are not alone. You are loved. :heart:

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My husband got addicted to Chinese and Korean massage prostitutes. He won’t stop and gets angry every time I try to talk about it. He denies it. But I saw and still can see the text messages(sometimes he forgets to delete) these women are persistent if he doesn’t come to their spas. I read about the Chinese and korean culture with regards to prostitution. Prostitution for them is a very old profession, a good way to earn lots of money, and I also read that lying and sneaking for these culture are not bad as long as a person will benefit from lying and sneaking. How am I supposed to compete with these women whose morals and values are totally different. My husband’s boss introduced him to this whole new world.

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Thats terrible. Im sorry you have to deal with something like this.

The answer is simple. You shouldn’t have to compete for your husband’s attention. He should care enough about you to realize that it hurts you and stop. This isn’t your fault, nor your responsibility to complete for him. If it was me, I’d give an ultimatum to either leave them or leave you. Or just leave. Its really not worth it if he puts these girls first even when it bothers you.

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Thank you @Trixia for taking the time to explain what’s going on. I’m so sorry that you and your husband are in this situation. I can totally understand why you feel betrayed and why it’s hard for you to keep hope in your heart. This is a tough situation and anyone would feel very lost and stuck. I’m really grateful that you decided to talk about it today. Staying alone with those thoughts can be very damaging, but we’re here to support you through all of this.

It’s really sad that your husband got addicted to those massages, but even more that he’s in denial. I don’t know what’s his motivation behind, like what need he tries to fulfill by going there regarding your relationships or just his life in general, but denial really makes communication difficult. There’s only so much you can do when someone isn’t ready to face the fact that what they do is hurting the people around them. Though as the person who’s sharing their life with him, your role is not to compete with those women. You made a promise to each other when you got married, and it sounds that, right now, your husband needs to be reminded of this commitment. What he’s doing is wrong because it’s hurting you, and one way or another he’ll need to realize that something has to change.

How do you envision your future with him right now? Do you feel like it would be possible to try to find a solution with him, maybe with the help of a counselor for example? Or do you feel like some boundaries will need to be set with hiim? In both cases, you deserve to be heard, loved and honored by your husband. Those struggles are not impossible to overcome, but knowing if you’ll overcome it together or not is a question that will have to be asked at some point. Now, what matters is: how do you feel about it?

You’re not alone, friend. We’re rooting for you. :hrtlegolove:

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It is hard for me to open up… I have never thought that I would lose hope, losing hope is not the right term. I feel unmotivated I feel like drifting. I am attacked in all areas of my life, like a domino effect. I thought I was a fighter. I was able to handle difficulties in different areas of my life and able bounce back, but when my foundation collapse I can’t express the right words to say but it is more than pain and disappointment. Despair perhaps. I couldn’t feel my old self anymore…

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Hey, opening up can be very intimidating. For what it’s worth, I’m really proud of you for doing it here. You don’t need nor deserve to be alone with your struggles. There people, here but not exclusively, who can support you through those difficult times. Never forget it. :heart:

I have no doubt that you are a fighter. But you know, being strong is also being aware of our own limits. Sometimes life is just good at throwing a huge pile of obstacles on your face and we’re not always prepared for this. Feeling lost and vulnerable is a human reaction, but it certainly doesn’t make you weak. The very fact that you’re aware of how you feel, that something isn’t right, is a strength in itself. But you couldn’t expect nor guess that one day you’d feel betrayed by the person you love. It’s not your fault, friend.

Have you considered reaching out to a therapist? When we don’t know how to find the right words to express how we feel, they can be pretty good at helping us for this, but also to find a way to move on and/or protect ourselves. It’s their job to help us when we feel lost, to akcnowledge, identify and name our emotions, also to get through a difficult time.

I couldn’t feel my old self anymore…

How would you describe your old self?

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