I feel extremely betrayed by God right now. About over a year ago I was stressing out because I was going to a college that was going to take me about over 3 years to finish my Bachelor’s degree and that I had to take about 20 credits a semester. I was even told that I wouldn’t be able to take winter and summer semesters off. I had already felt behind because it took me about almost 4 years to finish my Associate’s degree. I kept getting anxiety. I kept crying and praying about it. I decided to look into a different school for the degree I was going for. I also prayed and said if this isn’t the degree you want me to go for, show me a different path. When I met with the advisor, she showed me the classes I needed to take for the degree. She told me that I would literally be done in less than a year! And that I only had a few classes to take in order to finish. She also said that I would only have to take 2 classes a block in order to get done. I was so excited that God had answered my prayer. Going for this degree felt right in my heart and it was confirmed when I began taking classes and l literally had the best teachers! I finished my block 1 classes with A’s and moved on to my block 2 classes. That’s when I started going through everything with my abusive ex. I was barely doing any assignments. I couldn’t keep up. It was hard to show up for class. I ended up in the hospital because of my ex, and by the time I got out, my block 2 classes were finished and I was extremely behind on assignments. My both teachers granted me when an incomplete. My therapist thought that it was in my best interest to take a block off to finish my incomplete classes. During that time frame, God took professional wrestling from me so I was extremely upset. I was so angry with him and myself. At the end of the day, everything was fine because I still had the healthcare field and I was so close to my degree. I even asked God again if this isn’t for me then don’t let me have this. As I tried to finish these incomplete classes, I had one teacher that was so understanding. She did everything in her complete power to help me through everything I was going through. I will always be grateful for her. I ended up having an issue with the other teacher because he ended up giving me a F and didn’t let me finish the assignments in the time frame that I was actually supposed to be granted. I cried and cried and prayed that it would all get resolved because I didn’t want to spend more time on this degree and didn’t want any set backs. God answered my prayer and everything was resolved. I ended up with an A in the class. I went on to my next block class and ended up having an issue with that professor. She ended up giving me a F and I had no idea why. That all got resolved as well and I received an A. I decided to take the summer blocks off because of everything that happened with my last teacher. Time came around to pick classes for the Fall Block 1 classes and I was so excited that I was going to be one step closer to achieving this goal and dream of getting this degree. I was 11 classes away from getting this degree and I was so happy because then I’d be done by May 2020. (I was actually really discouraged because I was supposed to get my degree Fall 2019, but because of everything that happened with my ex I had a setback). So I went to pick my classes and I had this overwhelming anxiety (I’ve always suffered from severe anxiety and depression for years) and it felt like I wasn’t going for the right degree. I was so upset because I was like why am I feeling like this now? I’m SO close. Over a period of time it got worse and worse. So I decided to talk to a bunch of strong Christians from my church. They all told me to power through with this degree. And they all agreed that it was probably Satan that was messing with my mind trying to take me away from what God wanted me to do. They said since I’m so close to just finish. My therapist and my parents also agreed. They also agreed that it would be completely pointless to start over on another degree when I’m literally so close to getting this one. The anxiety got so overbearing and painful that I wasn’t even sure what classes to pick or if I should go back to school. I ended up finally going back and because of how bad the anxiety was, I couldn’t even do my work for either of the classes because I felt wrong. I had to take an incomplete for the classes. The one teacher granted the incomplete and then a day after the semester took back the incomplete. I received an F in her class, but the chairman allowed me to finish the course and I ended up getting an A in both classes. So I’m just sitting here with all of these thoughts in my mind. Why would God allow me to get this far? Why would he make me think that the health care field was for me for all these years? Why now? Every time I think about health science I get this unsettling feeling I have never felt over these last maybe 8 years that I have been busting my butt, doing everything possible to get into this career. I started feeling great toward a psych degree. So I was like “God why didn’t you just put me in that direction over a year ago when I asked?” Like now it’s going to take me EXACTLY as long as I didn’t want it to when I got all that anxiety of it taking forever to get a bachelors degree. God knew my anxiety about it. So WHY would you answer my prayer of allowing me to get done earlier and WHY would you allow me to continue to get this far and point me in the direction of the medical field IF THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU WANTED FOR ME? Now I don’t even feel anything toward the psych degree. I feel so lost and frustrated because of all of these set backs. It sounds crazy and everyone thinks it’s just my anxiety, but I don’t know. It just sucks. I was so close. I was so happy and now I just feel like giving up. I feel like I can’t trust God anymore. How could he betray me like that? How could he know all of my anxieties, answer my prayers of getting done and then fool me like that? Why do I get this unbearable anxiety toward Health Science? Like I chose this path to help people! I just don’t understand…I have 9 CLASSES LEFT. And every time I want to think about any health science classes I get this anxiety that feels so excruciating that I don’t even know what to do. I don’t know anymore. I can’t explain this. I just want to cry. I have felt this way since July and here it is the middle of January. I begged, asked, and prayed about it for a few months and it just seemed like it got worse and worse. I just want this to stop. Why is this happening? I’ve been through so much within the last 2-3 years and all I wanted to do was just finally get this degree. I just wanted to triumph so freaking bad. I wanted to just be able to put positive energy into something I loved. Now I feel nothing. Now I just see everything slipping away. I give up…
I hear you. I don’t know why He allows crap like this to happen. I could quote you a bunch of instances in the Bible (John 11: 1-44, Isaiah 55:8, 2 Corinthians 12:7, Job 1:21, James 1:2-4, the whole book of Lamentations, etc.), but I don’t know if that makes it better.
I am going through a divorce right now. I’ve begged and cried out to God to save my marriage. It doesn’t look like He’s going to. The Bible says God hates divorce. Well, if He hates divorce, then WHY WON’T HE FIX IT! It pisses me off!
But…I have felt God saying to me, even while I’m eating this shit sandwich, that He has my back. He has a plan. My job is not to figure out the why, my job is to trust and obey. That sure isn’t easy and it’s sure as hell not fun, but when I come out the other side, I will be better for it.
He has a plan for you. He has not left you. He is with you right now! I hope that you will keep fighting. Because if you do keep fighting, I really believe that you too will come out the other side stronger and better for it.
Praying for you!
Hey, I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I have so many questions. I wish I know why God allows to happen so many things that make us confused and anxious. But He has a plan for us even though it’s hard to see it. Keep fighting! I want to share a video with you. It helps me when I’m down. I hope it will help you too https://youtu.be/QFf6opXR1Hc I will pray for you. God bless you!
God didn’t betray you. Your anxiety and feelings are lying to you. You are in a dark season, but you will go through it. You are not alone. God is with you. Everyone here felt the same way as you. Even the prophets of the Bible felt angry and frustrated at God. But they still believe in Him and loved Him. Don’t give up. God loves you. This community and I love you. If you want to share more, this forum is open. I hope you will feel better. Thank you for sharing your story. God bless you.
I don’t believe in a God even though I consider myself as having a spirituality that remains intimate. Just saying this because I can’t really talk from a religious perspective and I don’t want to sound inappropriate here. Yet somehow I can relate to those doubts you’re sharing and I think it’s not entirely related to your own faith. There are a lot of obstacles and circumstances in life that happen all the time but we don’t have a say on it. And it can destabilize our certainties and our core beliefs, including faith itself. When things aren’t going the way we want, we can feel discouraged and start to doubt about everything. And as human beings we’re often wondering about the “why” behind everything, but I think that there are times in our lives when we need to let those questions go away temporarily. Again, it’s only my opinion, but I believe in the fact that you’ll find the answers you’re looking for. Maybe not now. It will certainly take some time before it happens.
What you described is indeed difficult and I can’t imagine the amount of distress/disappointment you may be experiencing right now. I’m sincerely sorry about this friend. If there is something I’m absolutely sure just by reading you is that you’re not nothing. You have worth and value. You are unique. You have a purpose and you are a gift to this world.
What happened in your life is not questioning your own value or what you’re capable of. It’s a lot to acknowledge and handle. Those are indeed difficult hardships that you have have to face. And also it sounds that anxiety takes a lot of space in your life. Please don’t forget that anxiety itself makes us believe in a lot of lies and create this kind of fog that prevents us see things clearly, in a calm and relaxed way. It’s an obstacle in itself that needs time to be handled.
Even when you feel lost, even when you feel like you can trust your God anymore, you’re trying to better yourself and you’re growing. Being lost is part of this journey. And some truths remains. They go beyond any circumstances. You are loved no matter what. And I hope you’ll manage to take some time for yourself to feel this love again in your heart and soul, to find again the trust and hope that you need right now.
Sending much love your way. 
Dear @alenatbow14, I am sorry that you have to go through all this. But you have to always instill in your mind and heart that whatever circumstances we all go through – it doesn’t mean God is betraying us. God will never abandon us.
You are not alone, we all go through different difficulties in life, we only need trust his plans and learn to surrender everything to him.
Keep your faith alive, whatever challenges that comes your way. Trust and believe that too, shall pass. It is part of our lives. Be still and know I am God. Psalm 46:10.
Praying for you!
My mother moved to a different state a long time ago and she made a comment that God made it possible. This was devastating to me and I was triggered reading your post.
I think reading your post made it more real to me that it really wasn’t God’s doing, it was my parent’s choice to move there. I need to work on this more.
I do apologize to the community and to you the most, alenatbow14 for my impulsiveness. I should have taken a break to cool down.