Birthdays suck

Every year I have this phantasy that I’ll kill myself on my birthday.

Every year, a few days before it, I get super depressed and everything seems so dark and hopeless. I’ve always hated my birthday, and I never thought I’ll make it to 18, but here I am, almost 22 years old; 4 years past my expectation.

Every year the day comes and I freak out and I put on a fake happy face for my family. I pretend like it’s all about my brother in law (it’s also his birthday) and I go on until I lay in bed, alone, sad and wanting to die.
Eventually I fall asleep, and I wake up, the first day into the new year of life, and I put the plan on hold for the next year.

Birthdays are hard, and I don’t want to see mine… maybe this year I’ll be up for the end.
Maybe this time my life will end.
I don’t want to see my b day this year.

Oh yes, my birthday is tomorrow.

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Hey @fiji

I’m sorry to read that so many of your family focus on your brother in law and not as much on you on your birthday. Have you ever tried to just go have a day without your family, and doing something that you want to do by yourself for your birthday? Or maybe with a friend? I know you said you always want to die, so if you’re not safe by yourself, maybe going to a club or somewhere where you’re surrounded by others. If you are safe by yourself, just a walk through the park might be the ticket. It’s enough for some people to have a great birthday. It just depends on the things you like to do. I know that celebrating is historically done with other people, and lots of them, but the celebration doesn’t have to be with anyone else. You’re family might give you heck about it, but as long as it makes you happy, that’s what’s important. Besides that, at 22, you’re legally considered an adult. You don’t have to spend it somewhere you don’t want to be. You don’t have to answer my questions, but if it’s not something you’ve ever thought of, maybe try thinking about doing something a little bit different than normal.

I never thought I’d live past 25, and here I am, a baker’s dozen past my expectations. I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone in thinking that you’d only live to a certain age, and exceeded it.

I’m sorry that you’re feeling so bad, but I hope that you can find something happy about your birthday this year.

~Daisy :heart:

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Thanks… i appreciate it.
I usually like to leave the country and be by myself or people i haven’t seen in ages, but thanks to coved 19, i cant leave and i have to be here…

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I’m sorry, @fiji. I’m always home so this Covid 19 thing hasn’t really affected me, didn’t even consider public areas being closed… :woman_facepalming: How about making plans for the future, when things are finally over? You don’t have to celebrate on your birthday. But I think it would be a good thing for you plan it, anyway. You could plan a trip to look forward to. Just a suggestion.

~Daisy :heart:

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Birthdays are trash bro,
Birthdays are meaningless if you ask me, They are important to some people and kids and stuff but once your over 21 you kinda just ignore them.
I think you need to bin off seeing or hearing anything to do with your brother in laws bday day, that can just bring up jealousy and all that other jazz, just ignore it. I think do your own thing man, I don’t think you should get hung up on your bday. like what calendar is that even off?
Make it all about xmas man or some other holiday you enjoy.
Society has made bdays a thing man, thats it! Dont feel left out on your bday or like your missing something. Expectations are never met and bdays are the best at making ppl feel like shit.
I would say talk to someone in your family about it. Like your brother in law(if you like him) or someone else you can trust. maybe then ppl will know to back off with the bs that comes with bdays.
Stay safe man and remember most of all in a few years your not even gonna know how old u are haha i went 2 years thinking i was the wrong age what does it matter???

Hey @fiji,

Just sending some love to you. You shared about it and it’s a difficult day for you, but I hope you’ll be gentle with yourself today, as much as possible.

Take care, friend. You matter.
Thinking of you. :hrtlegolove:

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Hey, @fiji. Happy birthday! Sending you a virtual hug.

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Thanks friend, I appreciate it

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Thanks friend. Appreciate it

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I don’t know what’s making you feel like this, but if its arbitrary then you should go see a doctor

There’s no reason that someone so young has to feel like this

In addition you shouldn’t shoot yourself in the foot because you are only hurting yourself in the long run and you’ll continue to suffer

Best of luck

Another birthday down brother :heart:

I don’t want to minimise your suffering.

However, I do feel you’re being your own worst enemy, because you are deciding way in advance of each of your Birthdays that you will hate each one. It is really no surprise then, that you get very depressed in the days before your Birthday. Why not treat every day like any other and you might sometimes finding your Birthday is actually a better day than many others.