Every holiday season is tough for me because of the way my mom makes me feel. We don’t have a great relationship. When I was about 13, she decided to move two hours away from my hometown and I moved in with my dad and stepmom so in my most important years I was raised by them. Long story short, in those years my mom would bail on plans to see me, missed big sports moments in high school(missed my senior nights for Wrestling and Football), and countless other things. So I grew apart from her and didn’t really need the relationship due to the other mother’s in my life.
15 years later now and she uses her depression and mental health as a weapon towards me. I don’t want to see her on holidays because I want to spend it with my family that I spent it with all the years she was gone and also my in laws. She paints me as the bad person because of this and hints that she’ll kill herself if I don’t acknowledge her or come over on holidays. I have my own depression and mental health I carry on a daily basis and it hurts to have this burden put on me. I wish I had the courage to tell her I don’t want her in my life, but then there is always that worry that she is going to do something I’ll have to live with. I feel alone in these feelings and have no one that can relate to me on this level due to them not having the same dynamic in their family. I don’t really know how to handle this at all and it is just eating me up inside. Anyway, I wanted to purge this out of me because I don’t want to resort to drinking it away like I usually do. Much love to you all and hope you all have a great holiday.