Blood Doesn't Mean Family

Every holiday season is tough for me because of the way my mom makes me feel. We don’t have a great relationship. When I was about 13, she decided to move two hours away from my hometown and I moved in with my dad and stepmom so in my most important years I was raised by them. Long story short, in those years my mom would bail on plans to see me, missed big sports moments in high school(missed my senior nights for Wrestling and Football), and countless other things. So I grew apart from her and didn’t really need the relationship due to the other mother’s in my life.

15 years later now and she uses her depression and mental health as a weapon towards me. I don’t want to see her on holidays because I want to spend it with my family that I spent it with all the years she was gone and also my in laws. She paints me as the bad person because of this and hints that she’ll kill herself if I don’t acknowledge her or come over on holidays. I have my own depression and mental health I carry on a daily basis and it hurts to have this burden put on me. I wish I had the courage to tell her I don’t want her in my life, but then there is always that worry that she is going to do something I’ll have to live with. I feel alone in these feelings and have no one that can relate to me on this level due to them not having the same dynamic in their family. I don’t really know how to handle this at all and it is just eating me up inside. Anyway, I wanted to purge this out of me because I don’t want to resort to drinking it away like I usually do. Much love to you all and hope you all have a great holiday.

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I actually had a similiar issue, but with said family member, I had spoken the truth and called an officer to keep an eye on said person every while and tried to get other people like friends or other family members I could find to check up or even spend time with the person. But you can’t keep this up for the rest of her years here. If you need to, call a mental health facility. Get her some type of help. Otherwise, you have to let her out of your wings and let her go. She’s manipulating you because her own mental health is making her sad and lonely. It is not your fault to want better for yourself even if it hurts. Don’t make yourself miserable this holiday just because she is. Learn to let go. What happens is what happens it’s for the best and time will be by your side. Truly wish the best for you and your mother and all family members

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Hey there @beardman,

I’m sorry you’ve been having a hard time with dealing how your mother is handling your absence from her life. Granted, the absence is because she couldn’t put the effort towards making time for you. we have nothing but support for you.

We can’t blame you for refraining responsibility for a relationship she hasn’t been willing to put the effort towards. The fact that she’s using these threats to guilt you into seeing her is undoubtedly toxic, as well. It tells more about her than it does about you- misery loves company, as they say. If she’s serious about trying to rekindle a lost relationship with you, then ask if she’s willing to go through counseling together with you. Otherwise, you shouldn’t have to hold it against yourself for the emotional abuse she has thrown at you.

Your life is your own, and you should be able to live the way you feel most content with. Even if it means you have to permanently cut her out from your life. You have that strength to tell her that you don’t need the negativity. If the situation grows into something more serious, don’t hesitate to contact someone and/or mental health services to help sort things out.

You’ve got this, and we believe in you all the way. :hugs:

@beardman ,
sorry your dealing with this , just know you are not alone . i know dealing with family is hard but maybe she is hurting inside and lashes it out on you. just know we will be your family if we need to.

Hey Beardman,

Thank you for discussing something that I think many of experience but dont know how to handle. I want you to know that we have your back.

There were a few people in the community who could identify with what you were saying because they had been in a similar spot.

Hold fast my friend.

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