Body feels so much worse than my mental state, frustrated rant

Hello HS,

I wasn’t sure if I should even post this, because generally speaking I’m not in a terrible place mentally. But that’s in stark contrast to how I’ve been feeling physically.

I’ve been having more headaches, but I’ve always had headaches. I know its not my blood pressure because every time I check it it’s normal.

My body has been hurting. For those that don’t know, I have Cerebral Palsy. My muscles get tight and or spasm painfully, and it has been happening more regularly. Probably because I’m getting older. My shoulders hurt, my legs hurt, my back hurts. Its been making it increasingly hard to work out and get back to a normal weight after having Kiera. My job has an employee outreach thing where I can chat with a nurse every couple of weeks to try to feel better. She said I should find a physical rehab center to help with the Cerebral Palsy, but I watch Kiera ALL the time so I kinda can’t. My husband says he will take time off work but I don’t want him to because he already doesn’t have enough PTO for how stressful his job is.

My elbow hurts. I was diagnosed with tendonitis via repetitive motion injury as a lovely parting gift from my previous job. 3 years ago. My doctor wants to set me up with a surgeon to cut out the damaged part of my tendon which helps the vast majority of sufferers. It would be up to 6 weeks before I could even use my dominant hand again, and again I watch Kiera ALL the time so its just not doable.

Since I had my c-section and sepsis I’ve been having the WORST period cramps. Like, bad enough that I can’t sleep at night. I’ve heard that they tend to be bad but get better over time but I had Kiera in February and they just seem to be getting worse.

I am also always tired in spite of my husband taking care of Kiera’s feedings over night. Whether I sleep or not, I’m tired, which again keeps me from exercising to the extent I want to. Yesterday I could barely do 10 minutes on my stationary bike when Ive been doing at least 20 during my lunch breaks.

Mentally I think I’m holding up fairly well, but I feel like my body is falling apart. It’s just frustrating.


I’m really sorry you’re experience so much pain and that your options are not so manageable with looking after your baby full time.
I am sorry I don’t have an incredible amount to offer other than to say that im hoping that you’re feeling better and that you have some time to rest your body


Unfortunately no, Im not feeling any better. Woke up this morning with my back cramped so back I could barely get out of bed. This has happened once before and I couldnt walk for 4 days.

Thank you the the thought and taking the time to respond. I do appreciate it.

Physical ailments can take a toll on the psyche for sure. It’s almost like, what good is a whole mind if you don’t have a whole body for it to operate? The pain just gets old after awhile. My wife has spent the last year and a half dealing with chronic headaches. For the most part she’s adjusted and found an “acceptable” base level of pain, but when she goes a few days with bad headaches she just gets discouraged. It hurts for no good reason, nothing makes it better, it doesn’t make any sense, it’s not fair, and it just gets old. Like you though, her responsibilities don’t go away just because she has a headache. I can do chores and take care of the dogs for her, but I can’t work for her. I can’t imagine how much more a tiny human complicates your quandary. There was a cold medicine commercial once that said “parents don’t get sick days.” The full reality of that is scary.

I hope you can find rest. I hope you can find time to care for yourself. I hope you can find ways to ease your pain.



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I had a doctors appointment this morning and finally got some good news.

I asked my doctor what she can do to help with my cerebral palsy. She is going to look for a physical therapist for me which will be paid by my Native American tribe so no need to worry about cost. She is also prescribing me a muscle relaxer to use as needed so hopefully my back will feel much better soon. She also prescribed me a sleeping pill.

Unfortunately, I couldnt wait to pick up my meds because my husband was waiting for me before he went to work and it usually takes a while for my meds to be ready… so I will need to wait until Monday at the latest to get those. Just need to make it that far.


How did you go? Have you started the physical therapy?

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I have not yet started physical therapy.

Ive been taking the muscle relaxers for a week now and my back pain is only just now starting to get better.

I haven’t tried my sleeping pills yet because I’ve been taking the muscle relaxers before I go to bed.

I won’t have physical therapy until my doctor is able to refer me to one, which may take some time because she has to try to find me one that will accept payment from IHS which is what the Natives use that keeps it free for me. If they can’t they will need to find one my insurance covers.

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I found an online community for people with Cerebral Palsy. Its been very eye opening. It seems that a lot of seemingly unrelated things Ive been dealing with are all characteristics of Cerebral Palsy in adult life, especially the way Ive always pushed myself physically - muscle spasms and tightening of course, but also the sleep problems, the fatigue, the blood pressure, the cognitive issues, sensory hypersensitivity, digestive problems, they all fit. Its weird but satisfying. And Im proud of myself for finally asking for help.

Still waiting on a physical therapist referral.

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I have my 1st physical therapist appointment on Nov 14th.

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