i was officially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder earlier this year and i been struggling with feeling only sadness numbness empty, and anxious. i feel like i will never find happiness. i have a subtype called quite bpd which means i struggle with my bpd internally instead of outwardly showing my emtions. i keep them to my self and deal with them by myself. i don’t let others in to what i’m feeling. i been in therapy for about 3 months for my bpd and i was told i use to many unhealthy coping mechanisms called defensive mechanisms to deal with my bpd. i though i was doing better but i was just hiding and putting on a fake face . and it doesn’t help that my mom doesn’t believe i have bpd. also i deal with thoughts of self-harm and passive passive suicidality. i don’t want to die because it would break my family. i just want to be able to handle my emotions on a daily basis.
Welcome back to the forum 
I have BPD too and although mine isn’t technically quiet, I do keep some of my suffering and rage inside. It’s really good that you have a diagnosis and are in therapy. Are you in Dialectical Behavior Therapy or something different? I know there a few different types of therapy now for us. I just finished a two month DBT/CBT therapy program. I hope whatever type of therapy you’re in is helping. There is no cure for BPD, but we can learn how to cope with our symptoms and think differently.
I’m very sorry that your mother is not accepting your diagnosis, that just makes things harder for you and that sucks. If you’d like to share, why does she not believe you have BPD?
If you’d like some help with self-harm urges you can check out this page. Urge Surfing is something I learned in therapy recently and I’ve been sharing it here a lot. It’s been really working for me and I have some pretty strong urges.
Hello @Tardy_Microbe970. Thank you so much for being here and posting directly on our forum. Welcome to this community! You are in a safe place to share what’s on your heart, always.
It takes a lot of strength to be on therapy and to understand yourself just like you do. It sounds that you really have a good understanding of the obstacles that BPD is putting on your way, the way it manifests to you personally and in your life currently. There is absolutely no doubt that you are willing to learn to manage more and more your symptoms and you are definitely going to get there! It’s a learning process though, and it will surely take time to keep learning, growing and healing.
In times of doubt and overwhelm, we need sometimes to reflect on the actual progress that we’ve been experiencing. I would like to encourage you to take some time this week to reflect on it – and if you want, you can do it with us here. So far, what are your takeaways from therapy?
On a different note: What are your current expectations from it and the things you would like to focus on in times to come? Do you feel like your therapist could eventually help to talk with your mother and help her understand what your own experiences look like?
You are doing the right thing and we’re all so very proud of you here for getting the support you need. If you ever need to talk about this journey of yours, you are always welcome to share here. You’re not alone.
My mom doesn’t believe I have borderline personality disorder because I act like I’m ok and she can be the only one with mental illness
I’m in dbt therapy for my bpd
That’s very common for people to think that to be honest. They don’t see the hurricane going on inside of us and we tend to hide it because we’ve been told somewhere down the line that we are too much.
Is there a way your mother can have a talk with your therapist? Perhaps they can convince her.
It’s great that you’re in therapy despite your mother not believing you. I learned a lot in DBT (I still need a lot more therapy, tho), so I hope you get a lot out of it too.
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