Hello friends. Two things I want to talk about today. Boundaries, and how they relate to my own issues.
I’ve ticked every box on this list. How does one create boundaries? When it comes to the people I live with, it’s hard to be myself and I’m afraid to talk about anything most of the time. I get so incredibly overwhelmed and constantly worry about if I’m doing something wrong.
The next thing I want to ask about is this particular situation with my boundaries.
For some background, I’ve yet to get a particular job because I don’t have an ID. I have a “sherriffs ID” that I can use to get any old job like mcdonalds but I’m trying to be a teachers aide. This requires me to get fingerprinted, and in order for that to happen I need an actual ID to do that. I’ve been having issues with all the points I need to get one, and that’s why it’s taking so long and I’m trying again tomorrow.
Due to me getting anxiety around everyone I live with, I’m starting to be afraid of being a teachers aide. Just about everyone who lives here is fairly known and has attended the elementary school i will be working in (as soon as I get fingerprinted). Meaning, chances are, people there will know me as the person affiliated with the _____ family. So I have fears about potential gossip and anything I do or act, will be passed on to a person I live with who works at the middle/high school. I also feel afraid to be myself because people there know the people I live with.
I’m secretly wishing I’m either not eligible for an official ID or I can’t get fingerprinted until the official ID card is mailed to me (could take two weeks), so I can just say “This is clearly taking too long I think I’ll just work at McDonald’s or any simple retail instead”
How do I establish boundaries? How do I stop being afraid? And how will I cope with fears related to the job I’m most likely going to be working in soon? How do I be myself and stop worrying about if they’re talking about me behind my back because they don’t clearly express issues with both me and my boyfriend when they seem to have an issue…
I’ve been so overwhelmed it just feels nice to write it all down. Take care, everyone
Hey there @itsnotoveryet, I’m really glad you opened up on here. Boundaries and anxiety go hand in hand sometimes and a lot of people struggle with setting boundaries, maintaining them, or even trusting the boundaries they do set, so just know you’re never alone in that.
I know that starting a new adventure in a new environment, especially around people you’re familiar with, can be scary. It’s important that you don’t let the people around you get inside of your head and let them change how you feel about yourself and your actions. I know that’s easier said then done, and it’s definitely not easy in the beginninng but it does get better with practice. Other people have no hold over you, even if they do gossip or make comments about you or what you’re doing. What matters is how you feel about yourself and what you’re doing. Being a teacher’s aide is an incredible job that can help so many people and make a difference in someone’s life even if it’s not obvious.
I think it’s super important that you chase this goal of yours if you really want it because it’s an incredible thing to strive for. For setting boundaries while going into this, one you can set is with yourself. When I was learning how to set boundaries, I found it extremely hard to set boundaries with other people so I practiced by setting them with myself. You could set one with yourself by saying that if someone says something negative about you or to you, or even if you just think someone might, you won’t let it have any hold over you because someone else’s opinion of you doesn’t matter. Not letting yourself be held down by how other people see you is an important boundary that some people don’t even realize is a boundary, but it is. You’re basically drawing a mental line between yourself and other people’s perceptions of you.
I know going into this new experience is really scary and nerve wracking but I believe in you and I’m proud of you for chasing this goal despite your anxiety. I have a feeling you’re going to go into this as you are but come out of it as a stronger person. I 100% believe in you and everyone else on this support wall does too.
You’ve got this, and I’m so proud of you. You mean the absolute world to me, friend. Hold fast.
Hello, and thank you for taking the time to message me. When you mentioned “people I’m familiar with”, I don’t think I’m very familiar with them. I don’t know them well, but if you meant in general then that is my misinterpretation.
I appreciate your uplifting words, and maybe I need to not let those thoughts get in my head but like you said, it’s easier said than done. You’re right that what matters is what I’m doing and my goals, it’s just hard to not think about what others think about it when I’m living in their house and they helped me get here. I came from depending on a family that didn’t treat me the best, it’s hard to not seek validation, everything feels like it will turn for the worst.
I am chasing this goal for the opportunity being available to me, and that it’s also convenient for the person driving me there since she also works at a school. My family tells me I’ll do great at the job and I’d like to think that I’d be decent so we’ll have to see how that goes. I will look into making boundaries for myself, it’s something I’ve thought about as well, I just keep unfortunately spiraling into fear and cooping up in my room. It feels like a constant repeating scenario.
Thank you again for taking the time to message me, I appreciate your positive encouragement. Take care.
