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Boyfriend and his alcoholic texts!

These are texts my boyfriend sends me, usually after he starts drinking. He’s an alcoholic, but even so he still never apologizes for his egregious behavior. When he’s sober he’s not so much verbally abusive, but overdramatizes everything. I lied to him one time. I was visiting a girlfriend he dislikes, so I lied and told him I had to go into work…but I visited with her instead! He found out and continuously calls me a pathological liar. Here are some of his texts. And there are hundreds of them!

Please At the slightest displeasure, you stop helping out around the house and yard; meaning that I have to do all the work myself; it is time for you to go, because if you are not helping - you are are a burden.

As a person, you bring no joy to my life; our relationship is all about your personal problems; and my efforts to help you solve them; and yet, you do not help me in my life’s struggles at all.

Your latest tizz has me cleaning up the yard and garden all by myself. FUCK OFF! All while you do absolutely nothing sitting upstairs isolating yourself and shirking any responsibilities that you have to me or the house.

You are capricious and unreliable. You are unworthy. As long as have you mentioned moving out again; please go. You are a burden and contribute nothing to my life. You think you are better than me and my friends; and yet we moved you and saved you from utter destitution. You have graduated from being an ingrate to a person who totally violates social norms and those persons that helped you.

You condemned my friends that moved you; while you were paralyzed with thoughts of leaving your colonial home; you did not help in any way, and these friends that you now reject, served you very well at the time. And I had no choice but to share your words with my friends. They universally reject you. You have isolated yourself. And now it is time to get the fuck out. You betray the people that helped you survive. Get the fuck out.

You are a jerk. You are not a good person. I am sorry you are too stupid, arrogant, and self-serving to be in a relationship with with me. Please move out at your earliest convenience.

You have no idea of relationship needs or maintenance. If you did we may some chance of staying together. But you are gone and get So, you ate the whole of two burger dinners except 2 bites? You have to stop eating so much! Ever think about me? Go fucking feed yourself from now on. And maybe you could cook something once and awhile.

Okay. I got up found my glasses to read your text in case there is an emergency or something. And it is this? Really? Hide away and then you up in my only day to sleep well with this? When I say you are high maintenance I mean it. So rude too.

And if you do not respond, I am going to assume that you are continuing your disrespect of my person. You have to reply yes or no. No means we are over. And then, you have actually have to do what you have committed to do. Understand? I am so fucking fucking pissed off and disillusioned with you right now you had better respond soon.

Your totally dismissive attitude is offensive. Totally. And it really is pissing me off - all day long. You really may want to do something about that. Really. Did I really use enough really’s to make you really fucking understand that You are a fucking nut. At the least displeasure you stop all personal communications. You are are so fucked up, you are are not worthy of me. Bitch. Cunt. Peice of shit.

You are a fucking cunt. Get the fuck out of my house as soon as you can.

Repulsive fuckin cunt

Cunt

You are a crAzy fuckinh birdhouse get the fuck out of my life! And then

My friends and I agree that you are a piece of shit that thinks that she is better than everyone else. And yet she is a peice of shit

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I say it’s time to move on. He is clearly emotionally and mentally abusive to you and this is a toxic relationship. It is in your best interest to get out. I’m sorry people are like this. But, you can find better. I hope for the best for you and you find a way out of this horrible situation.

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You are dealing with a narcissist. They do not change. Please leave this relationship asap. I married mine and spent the next 9 years in hell, the name calling and put downs never ended and turned into physical violence. I’ve been trying to divorce him for just under 2 years now and all I want to do is die some days. Please please leave him if you can, it never gets any better.

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I agree with @Enkou666 and @RaneyNickel that it might be best to leave the relationship. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and your boyfriend is being emotionally abusive and toxic. If you have to lie to see your friends then what’s not to say you have to do the same if you want to see other friends or even your own family? Being intoxicated is not an excuse for him to sending you these texts. I think you deserve to be with someone that is going to build you up and treat you with dignity and respect. Know that you are not going through this alone and that there are people who truly care about you.

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As others have said, this relationship is incredibly toxic. Abuse is abuse and it’s not okay. This behavior is a big red flag and this is how abusers start. They isolate you from your family, your friends, and gaslight you into thinking they’re the only ones who care about you while making you feel like you have no one to help you. The behavior can escalate too. Drinking or sober, there is no excuse for this behavior from him. People do not change unless they really want to change. You deserve to be with someone who loves you for you and treats you kindly and respectfully. Please be safe and leave this relationship. It is absolutely okay to walk away from a situation and relationship that is toxic and unhealthy. It is important to be kind to yourself and do what is right for you.

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This is really really scary stuff. More than alcoholism he’s coming off as very narcissistic and abusive. As everyone has said in the comments these kinds of people don’t really change as sad as that is. The best thing you can do is find a place to stay and leave as soon as you can. You both are clearly hurting and its better the you find a place where you can guarantee your safety. I would suggest that you don’t tell him before hand, this could put your safety at risk. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to.
Hold fast, we believe in you.

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Let’s be honest, “things I said when I was drunk” are usually truths we’re too gracious to say when we’re sober. What’s more, the fact that he doesn’t apologize for saying those awful things shows he isn’t even trying to pretend that he didn’t mean them or stand by them. You deserve better, and he is getting in your head and diminishing your self worth. Like the others have said, run! get some friends, move out while he’s not in the house, and don’t tell him where you’re going. I won’t presume he’ll be violent, but he’ll continue to pursue you and berate you and spew his poison at you.

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Thank you. It, the abuse, was so subtle, and it’s as if I started to dismiss it as being okay with it because he was drinking, but then the abuse came to be viewed as a sort of normalcy, after a while! The more I downplayed it, the more unreasonable he became, and then he started gaslighting and scapegoating me for his alcoholism. If I had been more understanding, he wouldn’t call me names, and then telling me I deserved to be called a cunt because I’m defying social norms. It almost got to the point that I would rather be dead than to leave him!

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Thank you! It’s been so hard to leave!

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I literally fell in love with this man, more so than anyone I had ever been with; I felt drawn to him and had a intense attraction to him! If I challenged him or disagreed with him, he would text me to get the fuck out, always putting any sort of illogical blame on me! And yet, I had feelings of self-harm when I had thoughts of leaving him! Like an addiction. He can be incredibly charming, telling me I’m his soulmate…when sober. I kept holding out for him to change!

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Here are more of his texts:

You use my drinking as an excuse to justify your atrocious behaviors. You think that it is fair to deploy that as a weapon against me in your crazy fights when it has no relevance in anything that happened yesterday. It is just plain mean spirited animosity and I deeply resent your misuse of it. I have told you time and time again to stop weaponizing it against me. It really is destructive of our relationship. Don’t ever mistreat me with it EVER AGAIN!!!

You are pissing me off again in the same scenario; I feed you son and then you become crazy irrational. What the fuck did I do - but take of you and yours? You keep proving yourself to be more unreasonable each time you have a fit. Come to me now and be with me and we will avoid yet another relationship breaking fight. I am tired. You do not have long.

No more fucking bullshit mind games. You are a fucking drama queen relationship killer. And a constant liar. I will never help anyone to the extent that I helped YOU ever again. You have helped destroy my faith in humanity. Take your petty fucking passive aggressive behaviors and hit the fucking road.

The only time that I ever want to see you or hear your voice ever again is in discussions on the details about your arrangements to move out without causing me yet more work, expense or inconvenience.

And fucking stop with the passive aggressive treatment of me over the arrangements of you moving out, as if, you have something I need.

You have nothing that I want, desire or need. You have no fucking leverage over me. You never did as soon as you started with the relationship destroying passive aggressive tantrums.

You have everything to lose, however, and you are wagering a big lose if you continue to fuck with me. It is over. We need to simply sort things out and part ways. There is no hope for any relationship as you constantly prove yourself to be a fucking delusional relationship manipulator. You have no influence or appeal; you have made yourself unattractive and unappealing. Get the fuck out of my life. And please hurry.

I can’t wait for the fucking day that you are gone and extricated from my life. Fuck with me and I will tell your family what a piece of a shit person you are.

You had better cooperate with me on these two things: 1). I need to know when and where your new storage unit is so that I can put your shit into it. 2). I need to know what day you are moving your big shit out of the upstairs so that I can ensure that no gets hurt as it is not an easy move. I will be taking the day off to be there and I need advanced notice.

Do you fucking understand? If you don’t respond I will go into fucking overtime mode and fucking ensure that you suffer enough discomfort so as to comply with our agreement that you are moving out.

No more mindfucking games. We are done. You are out. Make it happen. And to make it happen you need my help. Done. Quit attempting to fuck with my head drama queen, because as I have constantly told you, I see right though such childish maneuvers.

We should part ways in timely, efficient manner. Either way you wish to conduct yourself, I am a gentleman and will not disparage your character. I just hope that you will find the time to get the fuck out!

Are these these the words of a drunken man? They are sober words compared to the insulting jidderish that you regurgitate at every turn when you infer the slightest displeasure.

Calling a cab. Once again you failed the test. You are unworthy of my attentions…

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You really should try and talk to some family about getting out of there and staying safe for a while.
This sounds like this isn’t the man you married but sadly the man he’s become and it’s not your responsibility or obligation to change him because unfortunately it’s unlikely he will.
Stay safe, friend.

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I agree with @StHaTaDi-Ethan see if you can stay with someone you feel safe with. This is starting to become an issue of safety and I get that you love and care about him but he is not treating you with dignity and respect and it might get worse down the road. We are not trying to tell you what you should do but you deserve to be happy and deserve to be with someone that is going to respect your person. Please stay safe.

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I can’t stop crying for months! I’ve posted here months ago about my life! My gay spouse, and then a relationship with an alcoholic boyfriend; not just alcoholic but mean! I lied to him on time, because I was afraid of his reaction had I been honest with him! He’s aggressive, and can be just downright mean sometimes! I’m living in my car, I can’t afford expensive rent; I’m saving money for a house! I’m always told by people I’m a beautiful person, inside and out! Today, my ex-boyfriend received an envelope that came back from EBay; he was on my account, and I called eBay months ago to take his name off, but they didn’t! He called eBay and closed the account. I now have to repost everything and start afresh! I understand his concern that his name was still on the account, but it was never indicated to me on shipping, etc. It was always my name and new address. I felt I had to text him to explain, and apologize for his name still on the account! He is and will give me the silent treatment; that doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is that I felt the need to explain, thereby having had to contact him! I’m now afraid he will get a restraining order against me for contacting him this one time to explain! He owed me $1000, has my new bike and won’t give it back, which I paid $600 for! Two months ago I told him to keep them as I just wanted closure. Now I wish I had not contacted him to explain this eBay situation, but I’m damned if I don’t, and fanned if I do. When will I have a normal life again? It’s been so hard! Loo p

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This is definitely emotional abuse. He uses gas-lighting to get you to doubt yourself. And offers “enlightenment” when you do as he says which is love-bombing. It’s a vicious cycle that repeats itself which keeps you on edge. The sooner you leave, the sooner you will heal. Is there a domestic abuse center you can go to? If anyone knows any professionals that can help you get on your feet, please do so.

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Hey hon. I think the best thing to do at this point is just make a new account anyway. That way he isn’t on it. So maybe its good he closed it. Then you can make one with an email, username and password that only you know! And nobody else can control that.

Maybe it’s best that you just leave him alone and don’t talk to him. It seems like maybe its best. It can be rough when ex relationships have awkward interactions. So I don’t blame you for feeling like you need to explain. But you honestly don’t have to. Just take your new account <3 Starting over sucks, I know. But it’ll all work out. I went through divorce and had to start over in a lot of areas. So I know what a pain it can be. You aren’t alone <3

Sorry things have been hard friend

Does anyone know any ways she can find a domestic abuse center/counselor near you. I hope you dont think I’m interveing to much but I wish I would of had someone reference to me one years ago.

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Would need to know the city and state they are located in. So they could search local places or call centers that could help.

There is this https://www.thehotline.org/

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Thank you!:heart:I had a very hard time leaving him! He is one of very few people in my life! I created a big dependency on him. Even now I miss him, and yet he was so abusive; he did me great harm emotionally. Still trying to sort it out!

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Just because someone is bad for you doesn’t mean it’s easy to leave, and doesn’t mean you won’t miss him, or to be more accurate, the idea of him. We form bonds with the people we’re in relationships with, and leaving them is willfully creating a loss. That said, you’ll heal, you’ll be safer and healthier for it, and you’ll be free to find someone who treats you right! Grieve the situation, but move on. Don’t dwell, and don’t look back. the world ahead of you is wide open and bright!

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