My boyfriend is mentally abusive and i dont know what to do. Everyone says to leave him but hes said before if i leave him he’d end his life. I cant please him no matter what i do and he is always yelling at me and then saying its my fault. He says he tries so hard to make me happy and that he does everything for me to be happy but he never succeeds. I asked him really close friends that I trust if I was an emotionally abusive person and if they ever thought that I was someone who would be as awful as he says. they all said it wasn’t me it was him but I can’t seem to convince myself that it’s just him. I believe him when he says oh it’s my fault that I’m causing everything but everyone says it’s him and he’s being irrational at everything. I just I need help and advice please I’m in highschool and I don’t want to deal with this yet.
I’ve been in a situation like that before. My ex threatened to take his life if I left him, but he didn’t. He’s living happily with the girl he was messing around with behind my back for the whole 2 years of our relationship. He’s saying he’s going to kill himself to guilt trip you and to make you stay. It’s manipulation. He’s hurt you so much that you have yourself convinced that it’s your fault. It’s not it’s him.
Do you know if he’s had suicidal tendencies in the past?
My suggestion would be to leave him… Life is so much better once you leave or “get rid of” a severely toxic person. I’ll be thinking about you as the situation sounds similar to mine. Stay strong we’re here for you
My friend, first I want to tell you that I see you, and that I hear you, and that you are okay here, and you are safe here! I also want to tell you that you are not alone, and this community is here to walk along side you, and be here for you etc.
I’m going to repeat something, that I know that you’ve heard from others because you’ve said you have! LEAVE HIM! I’m telling you this as a friend, I’m telling you this as someone who stayed in an abusive relationship for almost two years. I kept telling people the same thing! He threatened to hurt himself, or hurt me if he left, and that killed me, it absolutely destroyed me. But my friend that is pure manipulation, you don’t need to stay with this person in fear of them hurting themselves.
It’s hard when he is blaming you for everything, but everyone else sees that it’s not your fault, and even his friends realize that it’s not your fault. This is your sign to go! Believe me it’s freaking hard. You feel like you’re letting a part of your life go, and you are, but that’s okay. You deserve better, and you will get better. If you are worried about him taking his life, I encourage you to reach out to your school counselor if you guys go to school together.
You are going to be okay my friend, but you need to leave him. I don’t know if I would encourage you to just ghost him and not say anything. But I would just text him and say listen it’s over, I can’t continue to be in this unhealthy relationship, and then block him and let that be the end. If you would rather have the conversation with him in person bring someone else with you, and tell him and then leave. Please don’t let him convince you “oh i’ll change, or oh i’ll stop” because I can tell your from personal experience even if he does change for a few weeks or a few months, they will go back to their old ways.
I want to tell you Abi, that I love you dear friend. You may live a thousand miles away but I love you so much. And I see your heart, and I see your pain. You are not alone and I want to be here for you, and I want to walk along side you in this! I don’t give this out often, but if you would like you can email me @ [email protected] or add me on discord @ daclassifiedninja#0853 or dm me, and I can give you my cell phone number or my snap chat! I will walk alongside you every step of the way, and would love to help you in the healing process in any way that I can!
You are so loved, and you’re valued, and my friend you deserve happiness, and healthy relationships! Please don’t give up!
Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,
I’m literally going through this same thing right now and I’m 23, so don’t feel that you are alone in this at all. I too have been told these same things, and have received the same behavior from my fiance. In fact, I just discovered today that he has been using his most recent ex gf off and on throughout our relationship to supply us with necessities when we couldnt afford them (usually because of his drinking and cigarette habits). Every time I asked him if he was still talking to her, he denied it and often got angry with me for even asking and doubting him in the first place. He told me all sorts of lies about her and their history, even so much as to tell me she took advantage of him when he was drunk and screwed him once. I found out later he actually cheated on her with me, but made it seem like she was some crazy psycho b*tch roommate who stalked him. Now, he has tried everything in the book to get me to stay, even telling me that he is going to kill himself if he ever lost me. I’ve been in this relationship now almost a year and a half, and engaged for about 8 months of it. He threatens to take things from me and sue me for repairs he put into our(my) car, jokingly or otherwise threatens to harm my family because they don’t approve of him and have cast him out, and uses a number of other tactics to isolate me and make me feel as if I’m trying to get the attention of every man on the planet by the way I dress. I, too, also feel like a lot of this is my fault though, because I’m not always the nicest person since I struggle with anxiety, depression and PTSD, and I have also made at least 1 big mistake in our relationship which cost us greatly. It almost feels as if I owe it to him to forgive and stay with him because he was still with me after I made the mistake.
I agree with others on this post and have a similar story. My ex was toxic towards me and said this exact same thing. It took YEARS for me to build a support around me and gain the confidence to leave him, but I finally felt like I could breathe when I did and I’m in a much better place now. If you can, and as scary as it may seem, try reaching out to his parents. Maybe deep down he needs help and he’a afraid, but that does NOT give him the right to be abusive towards you. I hope that this will pass quickly for you and you both can grow. Stay strong and hold fast.
Sometimes you just have to put yourself first. You deserve happiness, and someone who absolutely adores you. You don’t deserve to be treated how you do. I know you have a connection to this person, and that you don’t want them to talk their own life, but you can’t be the one who prevents it or causes it. Please find some strength and remove yourself from the situation. Mental abuse can always lead to physical abuse, and your safety could be in jeopardy. I know that it is easier said that done, but what he chooses to do after you are gone, is on him.
You don’t deserve this.