I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder almost 3 years ago. My entire life I have pushed people out of my life without meaning to, including loved ones. I have severe abandonment issues, which has ruined many romantic relationships because people cannot deal with it. I’ve started to warn people about it before getting involved with them and they still tell me “it’s too much, I can’t handle it.” which i respect. But yet I am left here alone, always.
Why do I keep trying if I end up doing the same thing every time? What’s the point?
Even with my current relationship he doesn’t want to talk to me half the time because he’s worried I’m going to have a moment due to something so insignificant. I’m so tired of people feeling like they have to tread lightly around me because they know I might get overwhelmingly upset. I’m tired of this fucking disorder and I’m tired of trying meds, therapy, and what have you and NOTHING is helping me get better at handling this.
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I hate BPD and I hate how its ruined everything for me and I just needed to vent.
hey, i understand that it’s hard having BPD but do understand that it’s not your fault and it never will be! i would like to applaud you for being considerate of others despite what you’re battling with. frankly, i am genuinely glad to see how nice of a human being you are. although you may feel bad about yourself right now and although its hard to fight these negative thoughts, i just wanted to remind you that you are amazing. you are kind, caring and considerate. do not let your thoughts or BPD put you down because i am definitely sure you have moments where you made your loved ones’ day better too.
Thanks for sharing and venting. I hope the venting helped you. We are always here to listen. I understand how freaking frustrating it can be to feel like you’re getting nowhere with managing mental illness. I have been trying to punch my chronic depression in the face for 13 years and for almost the entire time, it felt like nothing was helping. But please don’t lose hope. I’ve tried a lot of new things in the last 3 years and now looking back I’m in such a different spot than I was then. I changed therapists, I had difficult conversations with my family, left my job multiple times, started meditation, changed my exercise routine, read books, tried medications, changed doctors, changed my diet, etc. I literally tried everything I could. I only tell you this because I am now starting to see things improve but it took time and 3 years ago I was so hopeless that I did not believe I could ever get to a point like where I’m at today.
All the work you’re doing and things you’re trying are not for nothing. Each medication you try that doesn’t work out is now something new that you know about that part of treatment. Every thing you learn in therapy is a stepping stone. You are doing a great job
I know there are people on here who can relate to struggling with BPD and you are not alone. We believe in you and want to be here for you in this.
May I ask did you go through traumatic events that caused the BPD? and may I ask how do you cope with it? I ask because I dealt with someone with BPS and it was extreme. I am here to listen not to judge or criticize. Feel free message me.