Break up or work through it?

HeartSupport Support
1

i’m in a huge dilemma:

I’m in a long distance relationship and my partner and i have been dating for 4 months now. Things were going great until her mental health (im a girl too btw we’re lesbians) started declining really badly this is the lowest point she’s ever been at and she’s been distancing herself not only from me but from everyone in her family and she feels emotionally detached from everyone including her own parents. I’ve been trying my best to be understanding about that and give her the space she needs but as 2 months went by it doesn’t get any better unfortunately so last week i expressed my feelings to her about her not being able to give all of herself to me and how i just miss her and she tells me she still cares about me and doesn’t want to break up but she does not know what to do about anything anymore bc her mental health is so bad, she doesn’t want to make any decisions for herself atm (break up or not) and she tells she’s not expecting me to wait for her to get better since it wouldn’t be fair to me. So on wednesday I proposed that we take a break so that she could be able to fully focus on herself without worrying about how much time she’s devoting herself to me. Everything was going great i felt great about my decision but then the next day on Thursday she texts me opening up to me how she’s not sure whether we truly clicked socially/as individuals, she said she felt like she had to prepare conversations to have over our facetime calls otherwise it would’ve been awkward silence. We talked about how long distance can be hard and that facetiming can be awkward bc it is meant for talking so there can be a little pressure sometimes. then she says that maybe she’s not the right person for long distance then but then she tells me that she still wants to be with me no matter the distance and she doesn’t want things to feel awkward but she doesn’t have the mental strength rn to fight the difficulties with the emotions she feels of long distance so she won’t set a timeline for herself. i ask her if we’re still taking a break and she goes like “yes but i’m letting you know it’s okay if you don’t wait for me cause that’s not fair to you and i just don’t know if the awkwardness and the feeling of incompatibility will continue after the break” im not sure exactly what she meant by we’re taking a break but she’s not expecting me to wait for her but when i asked her if she’s feeling pressure even during the break she said no she’s just letting me know i don’t have to wait for her…. so yeah this is where we are now. i really do not know what to do, i know that breaking up is logical but i have feelings for this girl and she still has feelings for me, i am willing to take a break (give it a few months) until she starts to feel better bc i really value her, she is my type of girl in regards to personality, and i have a hard time believing i will find someone that is like her personality if i start to look for a new relationship. what should i do?

do you think it’s wrong for me as a college student to be in a long distance relationship bc i’m missing out on things i could be doing in person i don’t care much about that anymore but do you think it’s wrong?

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2

Long distance relationships are notorious for not working out, but that doesn’t mean yours won’t. It’s really hard when you love someone and all you can do is see and hear them thru a screen. I can understand why she doesn’t think she is cut out for it. It’s lonely as hell and I’m sure you feel it too.

I think if you love her and can see a future with her, then fight for her. Give her space while she deals with her problems, but make sure you check in once in awhile to make sure she knows you’re still there and care. Once she has come back, make plans to meet IRL and move forward to be together. Don’t get stuck in the virtual world, ya know?

It seems like she wants to be with you, just not thru a screen.

3

Hi Friend,
thank you for sharing your worries.
relationships are always hard, on distance a bit more then usually. you can be there for you partner, but
not physically most of the time.
if you have strong feelings and you see a worth in this, a future, then you should fight for it. dealing with a
mental breakdown can lead to isolation, wanting to be alone. make sure that you check from time to time,
that she can see that you really care, and want to be with here.
meet from time to time, when it is possible for the two of you. facetime and video calls make it a bit easier
than just to call.
give her the time she needs, if she loves you, she will appreciate it, also the checking on her. be sure about
that. you will do good.
tell her your honest feelings. open up about it. let her see her worth in your life.
you do nothing wrong my friend, even that it is a distant relationship, it also is a relationship. there is so much
beauty in love. still the strongest force on earth. enjoy that as much as you can. you deserve that.
feel hugged and loved, you matter.
Greetings

4

It sounds like she feels powerless. The purpose of life is to have power, and when circumstances make us feel powerless, our mental health fails. What can we do to help her feel empowered? Remind her to be grateful, and teach her to remind others to be grateful. The reason people rub us the wrong way, and take away our power, is because they’re not grateful. Once we start recognizing ungratefulness, and learn how to turn it into gratitude (reminding people to be grateful) we start giving each other power, and it gives us the ability to achieve our dreams. I wonder does she have a dream that she doesn’t know how to pursue? One of things that people live for is having a group of people we want to be part of. Does she have a group or even know of a group anywhere doing anything that would be fun for her?