Breaking up after 6 years

My relationship of 6 years ended this past weekend. He was my BFF and everything else in between. We live together. Share a dog together.

And now suddenly I have to uproot and learn how to be alone and live independently.

I have no idea where to even start and I can’t stop crying.

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How you must be hurting! It’s especially hard to make changes in your life while deeply grieving. If possible, find someone you can talk to who can understand. Let the tears come whenever possible. They are helping you process the sadness.

I’m glad you came here. Reaching out to strangers isn’t easy, but this site is unique, and even those in need of healing wish to help others to heal.

Not knowing where to start is understandable. Ask for help, even if it involves dialing 211, which is a helpline.

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I know its scary having to start over and there’s so much to sort out so please take a deep breath, get all the tears out that you need to and take it one step at a time. I can only imagine how much pain you are in but youre going to get through this. Please take it easy on yourself. You have lots of people to love and support you as you figure out the next chapter of your life.

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Hi @Hellotran The HeartSupport Houston team responded to your post here. (During the video Andrew had a power outage due to a storm - that’s why he blips out for a bit!).

Hold Fast friend, and lean on our community.

  • John
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Thank you for your words of comfort. As of today, I reached out to my pastor and a therapist.

I dont have any friends here in the city that I live in. So you all are already pouring in a lot of love to me. And I appreciate it so much.

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Thank you for your kind words. Do you ever feel like you’re out of tears and then it still pours out? I just feel so tired going from place to place crying all day.

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Sometimes I find it so crazy that people who do not know who I am can still pour so much love on to me. Thank you so much for taking the time to remind me my value and worth and how loved I am.

I’ve been constantly in this bad headspace that I’m trash, worthless, unlovable.

It’s nice to know that I still have a safe space to come to.

My pastor asked me where do I think God’s grace is in this season of hurting in my life. And I don’t know.

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Within the past couple years I lost some of my closest and most valued friendships and it destroyed everything inside of me for over a year in one case. Now, its still bitter sweet but it doesn’t necessarily hurt. Healing and moving on from tears is a long journey and I dont blame you for being tired of it, its draining but give it time. Find positive people to be around and make you smile, do things just for you and take time to feel down if you need it but always get back up. Sending you all my love

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The past month or so, he started talking and flirting with an ex coworker who relocated. It started off just trying to keep in contact, but soon it got out of hand. They started toying with the idea of a potential relationship with other and that’s when my ex decided he was going to leave me and see if there’s a chance with her.

I told him he should think about it more. It could just be lust. How you choose to leave a relationship of 6 years. For someone you barely know. But he told me, cant stop thinking about her. Can’t stop waiting to talk to her.

We tried to work through ways to save this relationship but it was clear in his answers that he was already out the door. The idea of being with her was more exciting than actually being with me.

He’s told me he loves me still, cares for me, and want me to still befriends and co parent our dog. I asked but none of this was enough to have you stay? I’m still struggling with this. You dont leave people you love and care for. People you’ve been a family around…

And now its 230AM and i am unable to sleep, because he isn’t home yet and I’m worried about his drive back. I should have gone to bed, but caring for him just doesn’t go away after the labels are gone. And i’m worried this is how it’ll always be. And he’ll know I’ll always be there.

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At the start of a relationship, there is usually a lot of physical attraction, passion and infatuation. Over time, the newness wears off, and the physical aspect, which initially dominated nearly all thoughts and actions, becomes less intense.

I guess you could call that part of a relationship the “honeymoon period,” even if there was no marriage. When that phase of the relationship passes, couples get to know each other better, and come to terms with ways to make the relationship work. Sometimes there is enough friendship and passion to keep the relationship going. Sometimes the passion fades. Then when someone new comes along, all that passion and infatuation starts over again. What I have noticed, is that in subsequent relationships, the passion fades more quickly. In other words, relationships tend to last for shorter and shorter periods of time. This seems to be true of those relationships when a person leaves a partner for another. This seems to happen to the person who did the leaving, rather than the person who was left behind.

The person who was left behind stands a better chance of having a successful long-term relationship in the future.

I know it’s difficult while you are grieving for the loss of the relationship, but it’s worth thinking about whether or not you would want to accept him, if he chose to come back to you. Many times, guys who become infatuated, and end up in a crash and burn relationship, want to go back to their previous partner. If he does come back, you won’t be able to pick up where you left off. Trust will have been weakened, and some degree of insecurity will persist.

It is possible for you to be happy, either on your own or with someone else. There are advantages to spending some time alone. What you want in a relationship becomes much more clear. Believe it or not, people who are okay with being alone, and can enjoy their independence, tend to be more appealing to the opposite sex. Two such individuals can really enjoy being together, rather than simply feeling the need to be attached to someone.

It’s time to stop worrying about him, and focus on your own needs.

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