Breakups..I guess

Hello ugh, its been awhile since i am back to this forum. I am sorry to come back like this way as well.
I just went through a breakup, technically we have never dated but we are like dating. Its an online person that I have known for a year. We call everyday, we text, we watch movie. I have never showed her how I looked like before. Mainly because i am not confident about my appearance and afraid she will leave. And i choose to show her a photo of my rugby pics in college. She claimed that she doesnt care about how I look like and she likes me too. But when she actually looked at the photo, she is like I do care about how you look like and I dont like how you look like. Everything just went south at that moment. She said she doesnt like me or feel like liking me even after all these time she said she likes me. She suggests that we should break off any contacts and things like that.
After a bit she called me and she is worried i will do anything stupid, and we are still on call till now.
Idk if I should break off all the contact with her. Any suggestions?

It really hurts, I dont understand why people can judge you by appearance and especially u have known someone for a year. I feel like my whole year has been wasted, its pointless and now i lost the motivation to live(not suicide but uk, lost motivation)
It happened to me so many times that i get blocked/removed friend because of my appearance.
I wouldnt say i am ugly, I am an average looking guy.

So now it comes to a question, how can i live like i used to and stop mentally relying on anyone. Cause when I have someone i can talk to eveveryday, I have a goal, but if that person is gone,i dont have a goal to drive me further.

I mainly suffering lonelyness like because of my childhood lacking of attentions,I am always trying to find someone to talk with, and there is no one can talk with me everyday. I have searched online, it says that I will need to find my hobbit, get myself busy, but i have lost interst on everything, like i have lived my past year life based on her, and now i am used to it.


Wow, that is really shattering. Being so close to someone and sharing so much of your life with them, only for them to break contact based on looks?
Was that really all that was going on? It sounds like such a huge change of heart to have.

Can I ask if she has reason to be worried? Was anything said that would make her worried?

There is a delicate balance when it comes to friendships. We can’t really rely on them to be the thing that keeps us going because it lays an unfair expectation onto them. It’s a really heavy task when someone tells you that you’re the only thing keeping them going or the only reason they want to live or that they’re living they’re life just for you. It’s scary and it puts you in this position where if you need to step away from the relationship, you feel this guilt and worry.
So perhaps opening up this conversation with a professional would be beneficial?
Create an environment where you can celebrate your achievements just because you did them, and not for anyone else but yourself. Start to learn why you feel like you can’t live life or achieve goals because it’s what you want for yourself.
You deserve to feel whole and not just because someone else wants you to. You deserve to enjoy life and not just for someone else.

Hey! It was lovely meeting you today and talking to you. I’m glad you joined in on my SWAT and I hope to see you around again :hrtlegolove:

I’m really sorry that your friend seems so shallow in not wanting to interact with you because of your physical appearance. That really makes no sense to me especially after a year of friendship and possibly extra feelings involved. Are you sure that that is the reason and she isn’t bothered by something else? If you haven’t asked her or gotten clarification then you may want to. It could be she just has a lot of issues with physical appearance and if that’s the case then it is 100% her issue and it seems you would be better off without her. If she doesn’t want any contact with you anymore then you definitely need to respect that but if you are both willing to work through whatever new hurtle has cropped up then I would encourage you to try if this friendship is truly important to you.

I definitely agree that you should find a way to enjoy your alone time so that you do not have to rely on other people for your happiness but I know that can be difficult especially for some people who really like interaction.
Regardless of how this relationship ends your year was not a waste. I assume you had a lot of fun with this person and you created some lovely memories that you can cherish forever. Just because friendships and other relationships do not last forever that doesn’t mean that they are not meaningful to our growth as people. Everyone who enters our lives affects who we are and who we inevitably become whether for good or ill and regardless of how long the time was.

I always say quantity, not quality to my friends. It doesn’t matter if I get to talk to them for five minutes or five hours it was still time spent together and I hold that with all of my friendships that end after a certain amount of time. I do not remember everyone who comes into my life but regardless of whether I consider it an acquaintanceship that lasted a few hours/months or a friendship that lasted years if it was meaningful then it remains in my mind and heart as a positive interaction.

I know that you are a good person and you deserve plenty of friendship and I hope that I get to interact with you again in the future. But I also hope you manage to find peace in your solitude. Good luck out there, new friend and I hope to hear from you soon :hrtlegolove:

1 Like

From: dazaikin

it might be best to cut contact with her. She sounds toxic because she came back to you after saying she did not care about you.You deserve better and more.No one should judge you based off of your apperrnce its unfair and rude