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Bruised Knuckles

It has been rough and i hate it.

Yes, my knuckles are actually bruised and hurting, but that is my own fault…

Last night i was alone at home and it was bad.

It was only for a few hours, but i went crazy.
At first i was fine, and it was all good. I was just having dinner and watching tv, but then i lost it.

I had the extreme urge to get drunk because of a very intense panic attack, and i already had the bottle at my lips, when i put it down and punched a wall, over and over and over again, until i collapsed onto my chair due to exhaustion.

It does not help that my memory is so bar right now (it comes and goes in waves) and i don’t remember much these days, but these thought i will never forget.

I wouldn’t mind if i was drunk. And i wouldn’t mind if i was dead.
But now i have the bruises on my knuckles to remind me of my stupidity.

I am sorry. I don’t know if any f these words make any sense, but here it is, take my words, blend them up, and throw them out.

1 Like

Hey! Sorry to hear that it’s been rough for you lately. What in particular though has been rough? What are you going through, why has life been rough lately?

Me as well as my peers here on this forum are here to talk to you and help you with problems you may be facing. Most of us have been in your same shoes at some point, getting drunk to cope with something we may be experiencing. I know I have. I had a stretch in my life where I constantly resorted to drinking to cope with sorrow I was going through.

I hope to hear back from you. Take care friend

Hi
Thank you for your reply…
I don’t think anything specific happened lately to explain these things, i am just dealing with depression and anxiety and at the moment it is pretty bad.

I have been sober for 3 years now, but i kind of miss it… especially because it was always such a quick relief (Only i the moment, i know, but at least it changed my situation temporarily).

I just wish all of this was over.

Hey, that is understandable. Thank you for taking the time to explain the situation to me.

Whenever I have fallen into depression, I try to lean more on things that make me feel better, exception to alcohol. Alcohol can temporarily make you feel better but doesn’t help you long term as you probably already know. I would not lean on alcohol, and that is good that you didn’t give in to the urge. Congrats on 3 years, you should be proud of yourself for staying out of that trap. Many are unable to make it a year let alone 3 years.

Perhaps there are some activities or things you can do to battle against the depression and anxiety. Maybe music makes you feel better? Art? Hikes? Video games? Meditation? Cooking? Animals?

What are some things in your life that bring some level of enjoyment?

  • Noah
1 Like

Hey @fiji

I am sorry that things have been tough for you lately and had to be alone while going through this. Your entire post makes perfect sense.

I double what @noaheagle said regarding this and I have been in the same shoes as you.

Taking the time to enjoy things you love with friends or a roomate such as hiking, short jogging, walking, video games, and reading helps with dealing with the depression/anxiety.

As you said nothing specific happened lately but have things been culmivating over a period of time?

Please keep reaching out and hope i hear from you more friend.

-Eric F

Thanks.
Nothing happened. I am just dealing with a shit ton of depression right now and my meds are not working.
Tonight i will be alone again, yay.

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