It has been rough and i hate it.
Yes, my knuckles are actually bruised and hurting, but that is my own fault…
Last night i was alone at home and it was bad.
It was only for a few hours, but i went crazy.
At first i was fine, and it was all good. I was just having dinner and watching tv, but then i lost it.
I had the extreme urge to get drunk because of a very intense panic attack, and i already had the bottle at my lips, when i put it down and punched a wall, over and over and over again, until i collapsed onto my chair due to exhaustion.
It does not help that my memory is so bar right now (it comes and goes in waves) and i don’t remember much these days, but these thought i will never forget.
I wouldn’t mind if i was drunk. And i wouldn’t mind if i was dead.
But now i have the bruises on my knuckles to remind me of my stupidity.
I am sorry. I don’t know if any f these words make any sense, but here it is, take my words, blend them up, and throw them out.