i posted earlier about my mom wanting me to help her clean so i finally did and i wanted to move out a table because it was just gonna sit here for another week and be in the way if we didn’t so i asked my dad to help me and he just got off work so i guess it wasn’t the right time… but my mom just said not to and i argued why when we could just do it now and then both my parents got angry and started yelling at each other and my dad got really mad so i just went back into my room and now i can’t help but think that they were arguing because of me and if i just hadn’t said anything or just stayed in my room then it wouldn’t have happened and nobody would be upset and i’m just a burden to them like i’ve always been. little things set me off recently so i’m sorry if this just seems really minor to you… i just feel like everything would be better for everyone if i just didn’t exist. this doesnt only include my parents but my entire family and everyone ive interacted with. i see why nobody wanted to ever be my friend and i now see why my current “friends” hate me… there’s just something programmably wrong with me that everyone just knows to stay away from me and hate me… i should just stay in my room and never talk to anybody again… i already thought about never speaking or talking to anybody again and decided that it would probably be better and now again i’m thinking it. i should just shut up and let everyone be happy… nobody needs me or wants me anyways. you guys always reply saying otherwise or that it’s okay to say stuff or soemthing like that but i always mess everything up, it’s not true. i don’t know why i even exist. i should just run away and hope i don’t get kidnapped or something in the process. would probably be for the best… i’d miss my cats though… but they’d be in good care at least…
We need you here. Please don’t apologize; if something is a trigger to you and life has just been strtessful and overwhelming, you don’t have to apologize! It’s incredibly valid for you to be on edge. The HeartSupport community is always going to say otherwise with regards to feelings of worthlessnes or self-blame, etc. because we believe it’s true. It’s okay to struggle, and it’s okay to feel the feelings you’re having. Please know that we love you, and that you truly, honestly, exist for a reason. No, the world is not better off without you, absolutely not.
I’m sorry to hear about your parents- I think I can relate where my dad gets mad at me when he’s stressed and I’ve been in the position before where I worry that I screwed up and made my parents upset. But so often… it wasn’t me. They were going through things and even though it’s not right or fair to treat me a certain way, I had to realize and tell myself that it wasn’t me. It wasn’t my fault. Please know that we love you. And if it’s at all possible, I really encourage you to seek out a professional for help in terms of the stress and overwhelming thoughts? My therapist has been incredibly helpful in helping me identify places where I have self-blame and how to cope with those feelings. It’s so burdensome, and you don’t deserve to carry that.
We are here for you, we are here to support you, and we are here to be your community. Please hold fast.
Sending love, hope, and peace,
You’re not a burden. At all. It’s so easy to hear or read words from other people telling you things that you don’t believe - but I promise, we mean it. We’re here for you to vent to, to release to, and we want you to. You exist for a purpose, even if it feels incredibly hard to see the reason right now. But everyone has a purpose.
So, please stay. Every morning that we wake up is another chance to start again.
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