But That's Hard When I Hate Myself

I struggle with self hatred.
I feel as if I’m supposed to somehow stay relevant in a culture that is constantly displacing my type as unrelevant, unloving, constantly judgmental, and not up to date with the rest of humanity.
I broadcast, I give customer service, and most importantly to me I’m a mentor to teenagers in a church setting. And in all of those areas, i feel my relevancy decreasing. I feel my impact dwindling. I feel the hatred of myself growing.
I wish to do all that i was made to do and purposed to do, but I hate that if I can’t be relevant, my being believes that I am worthless, can’t accomplish anything, and will not serve the purpose I was made for.
Maybe I’m just crazy. I hope so before doing something crazy that I believe to be right for everyone else in the world. I want to make it to two years clean in two days, which has nothing to do with this. But now i just want to drown in things and let the hatred of myself win.

All you can do is take one day at a time. Focus on making tomorrow just a bit better then today.
Just the fact that you were created by a GOD who loves you, should give you a feeling of worth. Keep that fact on your mind every time someone hurts or let’s you down.
Sometimes life has a way of kicking you around and tricks you into thinking your worthless and irrelevant. The last thing you want to do is SOMETHING PERMANENT TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM. I know there’s people who love you and would be devastated if you did something drastic.
When I feel like that I remember that I’M SPECIAL TO GOD . Then I stay involved in activities that I’m good at and make me feel better or peaceful. Most importantly, pray for the right friend or group of friends to be put in your path.
Hope any of this helps.

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Thank you so much sir. That really means so much to me and is such a blessing over my heart and life. Thank you for being the encouragement and support I needed in a desperate time. I can’t thank you enough. Also, I see it’s your first post here on this forum. Welcome to the community! Quite the loving family you’ll find here. @Firemanjon

Eran, my friend, I love you.

I know the struggle of self hate and feeling irrelevant, insignificant or not good enough. I face these lies every single day. I battle self hate and fight through suicidal ideation.

It pains me to see you hurting like this my friend because since I have met you, you have been this incredible force around here. You’re so kind, loving and accepting to myself and others. You always greet us with love and excitement. You lift us up and makes us feel good. You make people feel loved and cared for. That’s huge. That makes a big impact! You under credit yourself my friend.

You are not worthless. Far from it. And anyone here will tell you the same. I know you know this. Deep down. You have so much to give in this world and to people around you. The smallest act of kindness, love, acceptance and understanding goes a long ways.

By the way, you made it to 2 years clean. So you didn’t let that self hatred win. That’s a huge accomplishment. Be proud my friend. Share your story and let it be encouragement, strength and I inspiration to others! You are proof that it can get better and we can heal and get through hardships.

Don’t lose hope my friend. I love you. You are wonderful in so many ways. Know this. Believe this.

  • Kitty